


Let's Play A Game

by UnifiedMyths



Category: Homestuck
Genre: My life is being spent making fanfiction where my friends are characters., SBURB Fan Session, Self-Indulgent, Self-Insert, Where did my life go wrong?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-13
Updated: 2017-06-04
Packaged: 2018-08-22 04:16:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 39,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8272498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnifiedMyths/pseuds/UnifiedMyths
Summary: When Cody and his friends decide to play a newly released game by the name of Sburb, their lives suddenly get a lot more hectic, dangerous, and fun!...Well, from a certain point of view.They really shouldn't have gotten out of bed that day. (A shamelessly made friendfic and fanfic. I am indeed a terrible person.)





	1. Why Darling, The Game Has Just Begun!

****

**Act One: Entry**

A wise woman once asked, “When telling a story of the end, where does one begin?” 

Perhaps her role marked her as one who wouldn’t know the answer. Perhaps it was her unique story and skewed narration. But for me, my story, and my friends? The answer is clear. 

When telling the story of our end, it all starts with one simple thing: The end of the world as we know it, right on my eighteenth birthday.

\------------

** veiledMemory [VM] ** **opened memo on board Sburb Gaming Session.**

** VM: Okay guys, can everyone hear me? Is this working for everyone? **

**courtlyMusings [ CM]** ** responded to memo.**

**CM: Wow. This is somehow worse than Discord.**

**CM: No offense and all. I’m just saying. Discord was at least professional.**

**CM: This is just...weird.**

**artsyCrystal [AC]** ** responded to memo.**

**AC: i have to agree with Cody**

**AC: this isnt very good**

** VM: Shush Ehm. Grownups are talking. **

**CM: :/ Nick, be nice.**

**CM: Also ha, I’m right.**

** VM: I am being nice. I’m also trying to get things moving. **

**zombiesDirected [ZD]** **responded to memo.**

**ZD: Cody has a point, this is trash.**

**ZD: But I actually wanna play this game so idc.**

**AC: but why cant we just use skype or something?**

**AC: its way easier and nobody likes this**

** VM: Because our copies of the game came with it, so I’m pretty sure it’s what we’re supposed to use. **

** VM: But if it makes you feel better, how about this: If you don’t like using Pesterchum, please say I. **

**CM: I.**

**AC: i**

**ZD: I.**

**romanceMaster[RM]** ** responded to memo.**

**RM: i~**

**inventiveMelody [IM]** ** responded to memo.**

**IM: I**

**zwackAttack [ZA]** ** responded to memo.**

**ZA: i**

**cosmicReverie [CR]** ** responded to memo.**

**CR: i.**

**livelyConfectioner [LC]** ** responded to memo.**

**LC: I**

**timedChapter: [TC]** ** responded to memo.**

**TC: I.**

** VM: ...I. **

**ZD: lmao**

**CM: You gotta admit that you walked right into that one.**

** VM: True. But I still think we should use this. It may make the game easier. **

** VM: And if we get to a certain point in the game and nobody likes it, we’ll go back to Kik or something. **

** VM: Deal? **

**CM: Hm, I think that’s fair.**

**CM: Mason? Grace?**

**ZD: Yeah I’m fine with that.**

**CR: i think thats fair**

** VM: Ehm? What do you think? **

**AC: i guess that works. but i still think we should use kik…**

**CM: Don’t worry, Ehm, I’m sure it’ll all work out.**

**CM: For now, let’s discuss the game. How does it work? Have any of you ever played it before?**

**ZA: isnt it in beta or something?**

** VM: Mhm. We’re ten out of hundreds of people getting to test out the beta, although someone already uploaded a guide to it. **

**ZD: Weak.**

**ZD: I’m not using guides. Get on my level, skrubs.**

**CM: Uh-huh. I totally believe you, Mason.**

**ZD: :P**

** VM: Yeah, well I plan to use the guide honestly. I’ve already started reading it, and it’s pretty interesting. Here’s how we need to start. **

** VM: Each person has to start the game one after another. The first person into the game leads the second person in, who leads the third person in, ect. The last person brings in the first person. **

** VM: Your game will be controlled by the person who brings you in. That’s your server player. The person you control will be your client player. **

** VM: That’s about all I know so far. I was hoping we could start learn more by playing the game. **

** VM: The question is: Who’s going in first? **

**CM: Well, you know most about the game, Nick. Why don’t you go in first?**

** VM: I would, but I’d rather be the last person in. I want to see how the whole server player thing works. **

** VM: So who wants to be my client player? **

**AC: that means you control our game right?**

** VM: Mhm. **

**AC: then i want cody or carter**

**RM: i want cody. ;)**

**CM: Why.**

**RM: ill be your client cody <3**

**CM: As pleasing an idea as that sounds, Carter, I think it may be wise for myself to be Ehm’s server player. And she could be yours.**

**RM: im cool with that**

**RM: mi amor que es también mi madre**

**CM: I’m worried about what that says, so I’m not going to translate that.**

** VM: Anyways. Anybody else want certain pairings? **

**ZD: i call grace**

**ZD: <3**

**CR: <3**

** VM: Mason, think you could be my server player? Grace can be yours. **

**ZD: That works.**

**CM: (Grace, this is your chance to mess with Mason.)**

**CM: (Take him out.)**

**ZD: Nah**

**CR: (to dinner??)**

**CM: (xD Sure.)**

**CR: (where to??)**

**TC: Take him to a mexican restaurant.**

**ZD: Make me a sandwich, woman.**

**ZD: tfw dylan supports trump**

**CR: okay**

**CR: poisons sandwich**

**TC: throws mason over a wall**

**TC: makes him pay for it**

**LC: rip**

**CM: :3**

**ZD: Throws sandwich at cody**

**ZD: stfu candy, you shitty cleric**

**CM: :/**

**LC: =( i was a good cleric**

**ZD: Ha**

**ZD: Nah**

**RM: no you werent candy**

**CM: I think Candy was a good cleric.**

**LC: thanks cody =)**

**ZD: Cody don’t lie**

**ZD: Gender roles matter**

**CM: Nope.**

** VM: Okay, so I have an idea. Who already has their client game installed? **

**AC: mine is almost done**

**ZD: Me**

**CR: not yet**

**TC: not me**

**IM: lol i havent even started yet**

**ZD: Trash, Abi.**

**IM: :(**

**RM: mines halfway done**

**LC: mine just started**

**ZA: mine should be done soon i think**

**CM: Mine just finished. :3 Top notch gaming computer ftw.**

** VM: Hm...Alright. Cody, do you want to be my client player? **

**CM: I dunno, Nick, this is a pretty big proposal. I’m not sure I’m ready for that level of commitment in my life. XD**

**CM: Sure, that works for me.**

** VM: Great. I’ll connect to you in a second. Brb. **

**veiledMemory [VM] ** **ceased responding to memo.**

**CM: See ya~ I’ll be back in a bit too.**

**CM: Try not to kill each other guys.**

**RM: no promises**

**courtlyMusings [ CM]** ** ceased responding to memo.**

  
  


I leaned back in my chair, stretching my arms wide. In front of me, my computer screen displayed my pesterchum, now on the main menu where it displayed the chat I had just left. Behind that, a black window featuring white text sat idly. I clicked on it, bringing to the foreground of my computer as I read the words to myself. 

SBURB version 0.0.1 

SBURB client is running.

Waiting for server to establish connection…

A second later, the text changed.

SBURB version 0.0.1 

SBURB client is running.

A SBURB host user is attempting to connect with you. 

Client has established a host. 

Press [ENTER] when ready.

>

_ Guess that’s Nick’s cue _ , I thought to myself as I pushed my chair away from my desk and stood up, rolling my shoulders. I pressed the ‘enter’ key, causing the game to start up.  _ Now might be a good time to take a break, make sure nobody is causing trouble… _

I took a step from my computer desk, swiping my phone from my bed before opening my door and making my way toward the living room. Once there, however, I was immediately bombarded by an alarming amount of...nothing?

Perplexed, I glanced around the living room, surprised to find that I was the only one in there. Considering that I live in a house with six siblings, my parents, and two dogs, this was an odd thing. The only times the living room was empty was when nobody was here. 

Curious, I called out. “Hello? Where are you guys at?”

From the other side of the trailer, a response was called out. “We’re in here!” Said a high-pitched voice, likely that of my nine-year-old brother Ben. “Come look at the TV! It’s a meteor!”

My eyebrow shot up in confusion as I began walking towards my parents room, where I had heard him speak from. “What…? Ben, I highly doubt it’s a meteor. It’s probably a shooting star or-”

“ _ Shh!”  _ Went several people once I joined them. Everyone was situated in various spots of the bedroom, from sitting on the bed to leaning on the bathroom wall; my six-year-old sister Sarah was even sitting on the bathroom sink, door open so she could watch everything.

Despite their arrangements, however, they had one thing in common. Their eyes were practically glued to the TV beside the bedroom door. Curious, I moved closer to them so I could get a better look.

“I can’t believe it,” I whispered, my eyes wide and focused on the TV. “He was actually right…”

On the screen was a video of an honest-to-goodness meteor. Covered in flames and pushing towards the ground, it was something I’d always heard of but never actually expected to see. Around me, my family was listening reverently to the newscaster as they explained information about the celestial object. How big it was, thoughts on the damage it could do, and of course…

The newscaster announced the name of the city I live in, claiming it was bound to hit this area in what they expected was a few hours.

Naturally, this caused quite the stir. Within seconds an order had been given: Run to the car as fast as possible. As the person nearest to the door, I made a move. I darted from the room and into the kitchen, ready to run for the exit when…

_ Clunk! _ I turned around to see that a large machine was blocking the way out of my parents’ room. My family looked on in surprise, clamoring to figure out what was going on as the machine made it so that nobody could actually leave the room.

“Oh, no, no, no, no, no…” I rushed back to their room, looking over the machine to see if there was a way that I could help move it. Unfortunately, however, my family had already considered that and were currently failing at it.

I was busy examining the object when I felt my phone vibrate. Curious and with nothing better to do, I fished it from my pocket just in time to see the alert of a message from Nick.

_ Don’t touch the machine _ , it read.

A chill went down my spine as I took several steps away from the machine. “Uh, guys? You may not want to mess with that…” Sadly, my voice was drowned out by the sounds of them ignoring me, still focused on pushing the machine no matter what. With a sigh, I stepped into the living room and pulled up Pesterchum on my phone.

**\--** ** veiledMemory [VM] ** **began pestering** **courtlyMusings [ CM]** **at 16:13 --**

** VM: Don’t touch the machine. **

**CM: Uh...How do you know about the machine exactly…?**

** VM: I saw it. I’m the one who deployed it to your house. **

**CM: Huh?**

** VM: I’m your server player. My job is to control your house and help you get into the game. **

**CM: ?????**

**CM: Nick, what in the world are you talking about???**

** VM: I can control your house and deploy items for the game into it. Speaking of, hold out your hands. **

**CM: Why?**

** VM: Just do it. **

With a reluctant sigh and some growing tension, I held out my free hand. Right before my eyes, a large card about the length of my forearm appeared, dropping neatly into my palm. On it was a picture of a locked book, the same color as my text on Pesterchum. I wasted no time in replying to Nick.

**CM: !!!**

** VM: I told you.  **

**CM: What does this thing do???**

** VM: Just wait, I’m exploring the controls first. It shouldn’t take too long to figure out. **

**CM: Nick, I’m kinda in mortal danger here???**

** VM: What do you mean? **

**CM: There is a METEOR about to hit my town soon! I kinda need to get out ASAP.**

** VM: Oh, it’s already coming? I thought you had more time. **

**CM: What?!**

** VM: Listen, I’ll make this quick. **

**CM: ???**

** VM: The meteors are part of the game and they’ll kill you if you don’t get through what’s pretty much the tutorial mission in time. It’s headed straight for your house.  **

** VM: They’re going to be headed for all of our houses, actually. So you may want to hurry.  **

**CM: Nick, when this is over I will hunt down you and Mason, and strangle both of you.**

** VM: That’s fair. Now hurry. Don’t let your family mess with the cruxtruder. I need you to take the lid off the top of it, and don’t let ANYBODY mess with what comes out.  **

**CM: cruxtruder??**

** VM: The machine. **

**CM: Oh, alright, how do I get the lid off?**

** VM: Dunno. Figure it out. **

**CM: I hate you all.**

I shoved the phone into my pocket and tossed the card onto the table, resisting the urge to throttle the closest object. Of course the moment we try playing a game together, something bad happens. If it’s not people fighting, it’s the game messing up, or the WiFi lagging, or the world ending. Of course.

I rushed over to the cruxtruder again, barking at everyone to get back as I looked over the machine. It was huge, taking up more than the space of the doorway behind it. The dryer and washing machine had mysteriously vanished. I guessed that if Nick could place things in my house, he could also move them.

The cruxtruder was rather simple in appearance. A large white object that had a square base, but began to grow smaller some as it went upwards. A blank screen was present on all four sides of the box as a large cylinder bearing a small wheel, the cylinder pointed upward from the center. On that cylinder was a lid bearing the green emblem of the game we were playing. 

“Alright, how to open, how to open…” It was obvious that simply pulling the lid off wouldn’t work. It was obviously on too tightly and there was no chance in the world I’d be strong enough to pry it off. However, if I could find something small yet strong, I could possibly push the lid off through that, like using a crowbar.

I rushed into the kitchen, searching frantically for something, anything, that could be used to pry open the lid. Unfortunately, everything I found was essentially useless. Spatulas, pencils, rulers; they all ended up breaking or getting thrown from my hand for even trying to use them. Meanwhile, all around me I could hear thud after thud of Nick moving objects around my house and dispatching others. I decided to pay it little heed. I needed to focus on the matter at hand.

After some time, I was starting to get fairly frustrated. My family were clamoring and yelling for some sort of solution, and frankly I was getting frustrated.  _ Maybe if I can’t pry it open, I can break it open. _

I grabbed the first thing I could- an antique chair my stepmother loved to pieces -and charged towards the cruxtruder. In what felt to me as a very awesome moment, I leaped onto the machine’s base, bringing the chair down as hard as I could onto the cruxtruder’s lid. My stepmother screamed in fear. My family watched in horror- Likely fearing what would happen to me once she got her hands on me.

For a moment, nothing happened. 

Then the cruxtruder took on a faint blue glow, which grew brighter and brighter as time went on. I didn’t even have time to move before there was a flash of light, followed by my being thrown onto the floor.

After a few seconds, my eyes recovered from the flare. All around me, the pieces of the now shattered antique chair covered the floor. The only piece that was left intact was the single chair leg in my hand. From behind the cruxtruder, my family watched in awe as the lid was ejected from the device, followed by an odd ethereal sphere that flashed a bright blue and white across the room.

The sphere began floating away from the cruxtruder, seemingly uncaring (if it was sentient as all) as it began wandering my house.

Confused, I went to Nick with my troubles.

**CM: WHAT IS GOING ON?!**

** VM: Took you long enough. You should’ve tried that from the beginning you know. **

**CM: Shhhhhh. What is that thing and what do I do now?**

** VM: That’s your kernelsprite. I’m not actually sure what it does? But I think you need to throw something into it. **

**CM: Alright, like what?**

** VM: I don’t know, something you like.  **

** VM: Something not alive I think? This guide is a bit long-winded. **

** VM: Also, turn the wheel on the cruxtruder for the next item you need. Then grab the pre-punched card and head to your room.  **

**CM: Alright, got it.**

**CM: By the way, the screen on the cruxtruder has numbers on it. What is that…?**

** VM: Oh, that’s a countdown of how long you have until you die. **

**CM: Lovely. Keep me posted.**

I rushed over to the cruxtruder and began turning the wheel. The device started to shake as it struggled to do...whatever it was doing. A moment later, a large blue cylinder the size of my forearm popped out, landing firmly in my hand.

“Huh, nice catch.” With that, I raced back to my room, grabbing the card off the kitchen table as I ran. When I reached my room, I was surprised by a number of things.

  1. My door was wide open.
  2. All my furniture was gone, everything except my computer and desk. 
  3. There was a giant device in place of my bed that reminded me of a really big sewing machine.



Nick definitely had some explaining to do.

**CM: Nick, you have a minute to explain to me where everything I own is.**

** VM: Calm down, it’s all fine. I threw them into your siblings’ room.  **

**CM: THREW?!**

** VM: Shhh. There’s a more important question. Do you know what you’ll be prototyping? **

**CM: Prototyping?**

** VM: Yes, prototyping. As in, what will you place into your kernelsprite?  **

**CM: I don’t know! I still don’t get what that thing does!**

** VM: It’s not really that clear, to be honest. I think it’s supposed to be your guide in the game...Or it gives your enemies power? I’m not too sure. **

** VM: Either way, just throw something in. You can prototype it twice, which might help. **

**CM: Hm...Anything?**

** VM: Cody, I see that look in your eye. If you throw in a goddamn pony or some shit, I will let the meteor take you. **

**CM: Shhh. Let’s focus on more important matters. What’s this huge machine in my room?**

** VM: That’s the totem lathe. You see that pedestal at the end there? Place the cruxite on it. **

** VM: And before you ask, the cruxite is the blue cylinder you’re holding. **

**CM: Oh, alright. Cool. And I place the card in this slot here?**

** VM: Exactly.  **

**CM: Gotcha. Brb then.**

I placed my phone on the computer desk and did as Nick asked. In no time, the cruxite was on the pedestal, pressed tightly between two clamps as it laid on its side, and the card was in a slot on the machine’s side. I slammed the button next to the card and watched as the machine began its work. 

The clamps began spinning the cruxite around, as if it was spinning cotton candy. Meanwhile, a sharp point lowered from the top of the machine, beginning to carve the cruxite into a whole new shape. In a few minutes, the cruxite looked less like a cylinder and more like an awkward-looking vase you’d get at an antique shop. 

It was then that I noticed an object lying on the floor next to the totem lathe. It was a toy that had likely fallen off my bed when Nick had moved it.

I grinned and picked the toy up, carrying it into the living room. My phone began buzzing like crazy. Probably because Nick saw what I was doing and was determined to stop it.

I stopped right where the hallway met the living room. Once again, most of the furniture in this room was gone, except for the spare computer and the TV. A couch had been thrown, rather literally, into the kitchen. Taking up most of the living room was another device. Like the cruxtruder, it had a square base that rose a few feet off the ground. A large circular pad sat atop it, with another much smaller one beside it. A crane-like arm sat idly on the edge of the machine.

And floating above that was the kernelsprite, moving lazily around the room. 

I grinned, checking my phone one more time before I would commit the act.

** VM: Cody, I swear to god, don’t do it. **

** VM: I will actually throw you out a window. **

** VM: Put. The toy. Down. **

**CM: Hm...I’m not sure, I feel as if this is just punishment for DOOMING MY FAMILY TO DEATH BY METEOR.**

** VM: It was Mason’s idea too. **

**CM: Good. This is his punishment as well.**

**CM: Wish me luck, Nick.**

**CM: ;)**

** VM: Oh my god. **

I raised my hand towards the kernelsprite. “Hey spritey!” The blue orb moved towards me, almost as if curious. With a sly smirk that would make literally everyone I know want to punch me in the face, I reared my hand back.

Then I threw the pony. 

The white unicorn doll flew threw the air like a fluffy baseball. The kernelsprite rushed towards it, as if this was the object it had been searching for all this time. In no time, they had collided, resulting in a blinding burst of light that forced me to cover my eyes.

A few seconds later, the light faded away to nothingness. Hesitantly, I lowered my arms from my face, instinctively preparing myself for whatever I was about to see.

I’m not gonna lie, I grinned so hard, it was like my face would split in half. Whether from the excitement of my new guide or from knowing Nick and Mason were likely seething, I’m not sure. Possibly both.

_ ”Oh my. This is certainly unexpected.” _ _ _

__ Floating before me was a pony. Not like a small horse or anything, but a magical, talking pony straight out of a cartoon. Her body gave off a light blue glow from her horn to her tail. Her white coat was perfectly spotless except for a tattoo on either side of her flank, which displayed a trio of diamonds. Her mane and tail were both a vibrant purple and extensively curled, by design rather than naturally. Her eyes, literally sapphire blue, scanned the area around her curiously.

_ Nick is going to flip out _ , I thought wryly.

The sprite glanced around the living room, a slight look of disgust on her face as her ears laid flat against her head.  _ ”This place is atrocious,” _ _ _ she muttered to herself, her highly sophisticated accent giving off an air of culture and dignity, both of which shriveled up and died as she looked over my home.  _ ”Those curtains are tacky, and the walls are so bland. This entire room could use some redecorating, maybe even an entire renovation…” _

I cleared my throat. “Um...Hello? Do you, uh, know me?” 

The sprite’s eyes locked on me, widening in surprise before she flew over to me, her ears having gone up straight once more. Her smile matched mine in size and in energy as she began to speak.

_ ”Darling! I am so happy to finally meet you! I am Raritysprite, as I’m sure you know, but please, call me Rarity.” _ The sprite gave me a once over, her smile breaking for a moment as she took in my state of...Well, of me.  _ ”Um, I mean no offense when I say this, but have you considered a change in attire? Today is a special day, you know.” _

I frowned, glancing down at my simple outfit of a t-shirt and jeans. “What’s wrong with my outfit?”

Rarity bit her lip, her ears falling back down as she mulled over her response.  _ ”Well, there is nothing wrong with it per se… It could simply use a...A little sprucing up! And I’d be happy to help you with such things when you’re out of harm’s way!” _ _ _

“Oh yeah, the meteor…” I suddenly remembered the fact that, hey, I was about to die horribly. Funny how a person forgets stuff like that. “Speaking of, how long exactly do I have until it hits?”

Rarity waved her hoof in what could be seen as an iffy motion.  _ ”I’m afraid I’m not the best with concepts like physics or calculus or such, fashion is more my forte, but I’d wager you have more than enough time. Speaking of…” _ Her horn lit up with a soft blue glow. A second later, the cruxite totem from my room was levitated into the living room, a matching aura coating itself as Rarity sat it onto the new device’s smaller pad. 

“So cool,” I whispered as I watched her magic- Her actually, completely and totally real magic -at work. The moment the cruxite was on the smaller pad, the crane beside it began moving. It arranged itself so that one end was pointing at the bottom of the totem. From there, it flashed a laser light at the cruxite, moving up and down as it seemed to scan its newly carved curves.

Soon enough, it stopped. Then, following another flash of light from the larger pad (seriously, why didn’t this game come with an epilepsy warning?), I found myself facing the exact same locked book that was shown on the pre-punched card earlier. Glowing the same shade of blue as Raritysprite, I picked up the locked journal, looking it over. “What is this?”

_ ”This is your cruxite artifact,” _ Raritysprite explained.  _ ”To enter the Medium and truly begin your quest, you need to open this book.” _

I nodded along to her words, examining the lock on the journal to see if there was a button or switch or something that would let me open it up. Sadly, there was not. “Alright, where's the key?”

_ ”Oh, darling.” _ She said the word darling with such pity, like I was a wounded dog she found on the streets.  _ ”There is no key.” _

“...What.” I went between staring at Raritysprite and the journal, looking equally annoyed and confused. “So is this going to be a rerun of the whole cruxtruder situation, or…?”

Raritysprite smiled, shaking her head with a light titter.  _ ”Oh not at all! This journal can be opened, and it will, but you need to accept how it must be opened and remember that lesson for your future journey.” _

“Alright,” I said as I begrudgingly tossed the journal back onto the machine. “Then how will I open it?”

_ ”You, I'm afraid, cannot.” _

“...Again, what?”

_ ”You cannot open the journal. It simply isn't in your ability, even if you wish it could be.” _ Raritysprite delivered this news calmly, as if this wasn't something of an issue at all. 

“But...You said this would stop the meteor. How can I stop the meteor if I can't open the journal?”

Rarity frowned.  _ ”Now, Cody, I never said that opening the journal would stop the meteor.” _

“But you said-”

_ ”I said that it will allow you to enter the Medium, that is to say the world of the game, and that is when your quest shall truly begin.” _ The unicorn turned her discerning eyes upon my living room.  _ ”Dear, have you ever considered painting the walls? Beige is such a drab color, you know.” _

I held up my hands in a  _ stop _ motion. “Wait, wait, wait. Let's hold up on the interior design for a second. So you're saying that the journal can't stop the meteor?”

_ ”Not at all.” _

“But it can save me?”

_ ”That is the intended implication, yes.” _

I groaned.  _ This whole game is starting to be more trouble than it’s worth.  _ “Rarity, can't you just explain what I have to do?”

Raritysprite shook her head once more.  _ ”I'm afraid that isn't quite in my power. My role as a sprite is to guide your hand. I am to present the answers you need by making you ask the right questions, and by doing so allowing you to learn for yourself what needs to be done.” _

“So I need to ask the right questions then?” I couldn't help but smirk as I continued, “Well what are the right questions then?”

Raritysprite was too busy mentally redesigning my living room to pay me her full attention at the moment.  _ ”Well I'd say the right questions would be the ones that would further your understanding of this game, no?” _

“Alright then. How about this: What's a cruxite artifact?”

A light blue aura gripped the journal, lifting it into the air as Raritysprite, her horn glowing with that same aura, turned back towards me.  _ ”This is a cruxite artifact. It was fashioned by the carved cruxite totem after being placed on the alchemizer- The device currently situated here in your living room. It is your sole entry way into the world of the game you chose to play, and only by opening it can you survive long enough to reach your true potential.” _

I began mentally taking notes as I listened to her words. This was all making a fair amount of sense. At least I now knew what the thing in my living room was. “Okay. So, will all my friends need to open locked books to enter the game?”

_ ”Not at all, dear.” _ She placed the book back down just as the pre-punched card floated in from my room.  _ ”The artifact varies from player to player, depending on what lesson they need to learn and their role in the game. While you have a book, a reference to your own talent for writing I have no doubt, one of your friends may have an encrypted computer, or an egg that must be hatched. No two artifacts are the same.” _

_ Note to self: Tell this to the others. _ “Alright, and you said I can’t actually open it myself? So what kind of lesson should that teach me?”

_ _ _ ”Unfortunately, that is for you to learn. I can’t tell you.” _

“Honestly, I kinda expected that.” I sighed as Raritysprite laid the pre-punched card next to the journal. I watched the artifact, making no move to touch it. If I couldn’t find a way to open it myself, at least I could indignantly stare at it until something did happen. 

My dear, sweet, precious sprite didn’t seem content with my petty plan, however. Just as I was about to commit to a very stiff staring competition, I found Raritysprite’s magical aura covering my body. I was lifted into the air in an instant, subject to the pressure being placed on my skin from the magic around me.

It was pretty awesome, actually.

Raritysprite flew off to my room, carrying me in tow. Without any explanation, she set me down on my bedroom floor, rummaging through the items on my desk.

I raised an eyebrow at my sprite. “Uh, Rarity? What are you doing?”

_ ”I can’t  _ believe  _ that I nearly forgot to show this to you _ ,” Raritysprite explained, pulling two large cards from my desk. I recognized them as cards that came with the game, but I hadn’t had time to mess with just yet. One was a black card featuring a list of words that I didn’t actually bother reading yet. The other was a blue (which I was starting to get tired of seeing) card featuring a pencil on the front, with the word  **WRITER** under that.

Raritysprite levitated the cards in front of me.  _ ”It is now time for you to choose your strife specibus and fetch modus. Your strife specibus decides which weapons you are allowed to equip throughout the game, while your fetch modus determines how your inventory is to be organized. Thankfully,” _ she said as she floated the blue card into my hands,  _ ”Your fetch modus has already been decided. This should make things much easier.” _ _ _

The moment the card touched my hand, there was a reaction. It began flickering a faint azure before dissipating into thin air.

...Wait, what?

“What just happened?” I began searching my room for evidence for the card that had just disappeared. Despite my best efforts, however, I could find not a trace of it.

Raritysprite giggled at my attempts to locate the mysteriously misplaced modus.  _ ”Oh darling, you won’t find it here. You’ve already accepted the fetch modus as your own! You can now access your inventory at will, rather than simply carrying any old thing in your hands. It is much more efficient, wouldn’t you say?” _

“Seriously?” Without a second thought, I moved to test it out. I grabbed the first thing I saw, another toy pony resting on the floor. The moment I did, the toy was replaced by a large azure card. In the center of it was a picture of the toy itself: A purple pony with both wings and a horn, standing simply on its hooves like someone had propped it up. On the right side of the card, it read **TWILIGHT SPARKLE DOLL** , with  **x1** marking the bottom, presumably to show that I only had one in my inventory. 

After a moment of allowing me to examine the card, it disappeared. “Alright, that was pretty cool,” I mentioned to Raritysprite upon standing up. “But how do I get it back? Is there like a trigger word or…?”

_ ”Oh, that’s easy. You simply concentrate on the item you wish to take, and your inventory will appear, with all of the captchalogue cards in tow.” _

“...?”

_ ”Captchalogue cards is the official name for the cards your items are stored in.” _

“Ah, alright, let’s see…” I focused my thoughts on the Twilight Sparkle doll. I tried to remember its feel and color, and how it felt when it shifted from a physical toy to a card. Strangely, I could  _ feel _ my inventory, wherever it was. I can sense it despite knowing that it wasn’t on the same level of reality I was. It was just an...instinctive feeling. I knew where it was and how to access it and that it wasn’t a real physical place. I could feel the empty space where I could tell other cards were supposed to fit. 

It was all very metaphysical. 

In an instant, the card was back. It was floating in front of me, waiting for me to grab it, which I did. “So, how do I get it out of here? Do I have to rip the card?”

Raritysprite huffed.  _ ”Dear, breaking things isn’t the answer to everything. Honestly, that’s a bit crude, don’t you think?” _

“Crude has gotten me this far, to be fair.”

She sighed, looking very defeated as she considered that maybe I wasn’t the best player to work with after all.  _ ”Yes, well perhaps I can help break you out of that train of thought during your quest...Regardless, you use the ‘writer modus’, if I recall. That modus is made specifically for those who enjoy writing. If you turn it over, you'll see what I mean.” _

I did as she suggested and, lo and behold, the back of the card of two main features: A small button in the bottom right corner, and a small keypad and text box that took up the top half of the card.

The realization hit me, making me grin. “Oh I see what this is. I have to write to unlock the item inside.” I scoffed in feigned offense. “This'll be easy.”

Raritysprite shot me an unconvinced look. _”Well,”_ she started, her tone dripping with a pointed tone, _” Easy or not, just know that the button at the bottom will allow you to release the item without writing a thing._ _But you wouldn't abuse that, would you?”_

“...I feel like I'm being targeted and I don't appreciate this.”

Raritysprite smiled coyly.  _ ”I believe that you should also know that your captchalogue deck has a limit. If you pick up too many cards, the oldest object in the deck will be forcibly rejected. So try to take care, won’t you?” _

I nodded, letting the card fade away like before. “Gotcha. So what's next? The strife specibus, you called it?”

_ ”Correct!” _ Raritysprite floated the black card into my hand. The list of words filled the area, from top to bottom. They all seemed fairly random, listing various objects that ranged from bats and chisels to rifle and stun gun. The only thing that they had in common was that they all ended in “-kind” (some personal favorites of mine were “golfclubkind” and “bookkind”) and were all objects that could be theoretically used as weapons.

“So let me guess: I gotta choose a weapon type from this list and then from now on I can only use that kind of weapon?” Raritysprite nodded in affirmation, seemingly glad that I got it so easily. It was all pretty cut and dry to me. As somebody who’s played RPGs all my life, it wasn’t hard to understand. The weirdest part was how weapons weren’t divided by normal typings. Most games give you choices between one-handed weapons, two-handed weapons, bows, daggers, ect. Here though, there were odd choices. Pipekind, pepper-spraykind, even pizza-cutter kind for heaven’s sake. I’m pretty sure every possible type of weapon was available for my selection. 

Which was kinda redundant seeing as I knew what weapon I chose the moment I saw it as an option. I smashed the option so fast that I actually thought I broke the card. Thankfully that wasn’t the case. Instead, it began flickering just as the fetch modus did earlier. A few moments later, the flickering ceased as the card turning a jade green color, the text changing as a picture of what looked to be a stick appeared over the card.

Raritysprite assessed my strife specibus with concern. _”Wandkind?”_ she read off the card. _”Are you...quite sure about that, dear?”_

I frowned, suddenly unsure of my choice. “Well...Yeah, I guess. I like wands, and I like magic...Why, is there a problem with wandkind?”

The sprite’s eyes swept across my bedroom with worry.  _ ”Well, there is nothing inherently wrong with it, no. The issue is mostly in, well...I’m pretty sure you don’t own a wand which you could use.” _

My hope deflated like a balloon with a pin in it. “Are you saying that I chose a weapon type that I can’t actually use?”

Raritysprite nodded.  _ ”Unfortunately so. But worry not, I am sure that you will be able to alchemize a wand once you enter the game, provided you have enough grist.” _ I was about to ask her what she meant by that, but she was already leaving.  _ ”Well, I should go check on your family. Why don’t you stay here and test out your sylladex some while I’m gone?” _

“...?”

_ ”Your inventory system.” _

“Oh, alright. Sure, I’ll do that. See ya later!”

With that, my wise and sage guide left me for my family. Typical.

I decided I was gonna use this time until Raritysprite returned to mess with things, specifically my new sylladex and strife specibus. Just as Rarity said, I didn’t actually have any wands in my room, and I was fairly sure there weren’t any in my siblings’ bedroom either. I also couldn’t change it back to the selection mode, so it seemed I was stuck with a useless specibus for a while. 

So I used up that time with my sylladex instead. I began picking up random objects and placing them in my inventory as if it was nothing. Just about anything I could find was fair game, and the weird part was that size and weight didn’t actually seem to matter to captchalogued items. Case in point: I started off by throwing small objects into my inventory. Pencils, papers, books, my tablet, my phone, ect. But then I went bigger. Pillows, blankets, a toy castle, even the rolling chair to my computer desk could fit. It seemed the only real limit I had was the number of cards I had. 

I had just used my last captchalogue card to store my bunk bed and its contents (cause seeing as I can’t use my strife specibus, I might as well start throwing furniture) when I heard an alert from my computer. 

Take a guess as to who it was.

** VM: Fuck you. **

** VM: I can’t believe you. **

** VM: Hello? Pick up your phone. **

** VM: Cody, stop jacking off to ponies and pick. Up. Your. Phone. **

** VM: You’re about to die, I think this is a good time to listen to me. **

** VM: Fine, I don’t care. I’ll come back in a few minutes. **

** VM: Hello? You done with the pony yet? **

**CM: I am so, so, so sorry I didn’t notice your messages.**

**CM: To be fair though, I was learning vital information about the game and the many intricacies about it.**

**CM: I’ll be sure to tell you all about it later.**

**CM: So, what’s up?**

** VM: Well, your whole county is evacuating according to Mason. **

** VM: He also says that he hates you and is never speaking to you again. **

**CM: ;) Ha! Serves him right!**

** VM: For what? **

**CM: For being him.**

**CM: Wait, how does he know about Raritysprite?**

** VM: I'm screensharing with everybody. **

**CM: You know, I want to be surprised by this information. I really do.**

**CM: But I'm not.**

**CM: This is the faith I have in you guys.**

** VM: That's pretty fair, to be honest. **

** VM: Anyways, you may wanna stop messing around and get to your living room. **

**CM: Why? I thought Raritysprite was taking care of things?**

** VM: Nope.  **

** VM: She's watching your siblings cause trouble.  **

**CM: What?????**

** VM: Your siblings escaped.  **

** VM: Cody, what are you doing? **

**CM: Struggling not to commit murder. Brb**

I charged into my living room immediately. Even with Nick’s warning, fresh in my mind, I didn't expect things to be that bad.

But the universe’s favorite hobby is proving me wrong.

All five of my siblings were loose on the living room, and they were doing everything in their power to cause trouble. One of my brothers was staring at the alchemizer in awe, with my with two others messing around with the totem and crane arm. Another was standing on the alchemizer himself, holding the journal in his hands as he looked for a way to open it. Across the room, my sister Sarah was smiling inhumanly as she was held afloat by Raritysprite’s aura.

_ ”Oh dear, your hair is so messy!” _ Raritysprite said to my sister.  _ ”There are tangles and knots and- Oh my, is that...Is that  _ ketchup  _ on your pants?” _ She tutted, levitating some measuring tape from my dad’s toolbox, beginning to take measurements. 

It was about as that time that the earth started shaking. 

There were shouts throughout my house as the entire trailer began shaking. People began shouting as dishes and furniture started colliding with the floor and walls. My phone buzzed constantly and a bright orange light shined in from the windows. The temperature was rising quickly, and the air started to smell like gunpowder and sulfur. 

I’ll admit. When faced with the distinct possibility of death, I didn’t react heroically. I didn’t usher my family out the door or find a hidden wand or cast a magic spell. I didn’t even try smashing the locked journal with a chair. Instead, I froze. I was scared and terrified and desperate. I couldn’t focus on any single thing, instead I was being attacked by dozens of thoughts of feelings and what-ifs and maybes. It was deafening.

And, in the middle of it all, I saw the journal. My cruxite artifact. I remember that my only clear thought at the time was,  _ Get it open. _

I rushed for the journal. I leaped onto the alchemizer and grabbed the blue book, struggling to pull the lock off with my fingers, as if I somehow had gotten superhuman strength. When that failed, I resorted to stomping on it. And when even that failed, I tried slamming it against the alchemizer itself. In the end I threw the book against the wall, hoping that maybe, just maybe, that final effort may save us from the certain doom that would strike us within moments.

The book didn’t open when it hit the wall. It bounced off, falling directly into the hands of the person under it: My brother Jaxson, who had fallen to the ground.

The thirteen-year-old stared at the book, his panic temporarily replaced by confusion as his hands swept over the journal, possibly guessing that it was truly a powerful artifact by the fact that it glowed blue. He was searching for a way to open it, like I was. 

I just stared at him, feeling horrified that this would be my last moments on Earth just as his hands passed over the lock.

There was a distinct  _ click _ and the lock fell off. Jaxson hurriedly pulled open the book. I rushed over to him to see what we’d find.

I never got to see. The moment the book was open, there was a blinding light that encompassed my entire house. All noise disappeared, leaving us in a chilling silence. My only thought as this happened was,  _ Am I dead? _

...What? My possibly post-mortem thoughts can be cliche. I have that right. 

Anyways, a short time passed before the light faded away. I was left blinking spots out of my vision before I had a chance to assess my house.

The trailer was a mess. Well, messier than usual. Everything was moved out of place, with more fragile items being outright shattered while bigger ones were simply moved away. My siblings were all over the place, laying on this or that as they attempted to get their bearings. The heat wasn’t as bad anymore, thank goodness, having dissipated seemingly in a few seconds. Meanwhile, the light from the windows was gone. Actually, there was very little light coming from outside.

I was the first to break the silence. “Is...Is everyone okay?” 

There was a chorus of yeses as my siblings began making sure they were okay. As far as I could tell, they were fine. A few cuts and bruises, but nothing too bad. I’ve seen them with worse.

“Raritysprite?” I called out. “Where’d you go?” The sprite was nowhere to be seen. At first I thought she had disappeared, or worse: Been killed when the meteor hit. Thankfully, I was proven wrong when I heard her voice call back from outside.

_ ”I’m out here, darling. You simply must come look at this.” _ Her magic aura gripped the door and calmly pulled it open. Carefully, I navigated past my siblings and moved out the door.

“Woah...Uh, guys? We’re not in Texas anymore.” I don’t care what you say, that was the most appropriate thing to say in this situation. And it was completely true.

My trailer was in a completely different place. Whereas before we were in a trailer park in the middle of Texas, we were now on a small island in the middle of an ocean. Dark clouds hung far up in the air, blocking out literally each single inch of sky, but there was no rain or wind. Very far off in the distance, I could see a land mass, with what I presumed to be cities, but the distance between us meant that there was no way to get there. 

Raritysprite was floating at the edge of our island, where the sea met the land. I walked over to her, passing where the green grass faded into white sand. 

“What is this place?” I asked her. From here, I could see the water more clearly. It was opaque and darkly colored, mixing indigos and maroons and emeralds and golds. Every color of the rainbow could be found in this water, darkened so that they were almost black. They all mixed together, making it harder to discern which was which. 

_ ”This, Cody, is where your new life starts.” _ She spoke with pride and hope, as if this moment was something she’d been waiting for since I first started up the game. Maybe she had been.  _ ”This is your planet within the Medium, where your quest to make a new home to replace your old one will begin.” _

I knelt at the shore and touched my hand against the water. It was thick, and my hand came back with a rainbow of colors imprinted on it. I could recognize the powerful and distinct scent of ink. “Wow...Alright then.” I absent-mindedly wiping the liquid onto my shirt as I spoke. “Does the planet have a name? What do I do here?”

Raritysprite stared at the new stain on my shirt in horror. It took a bit for her widened eyes to pry themselves from the mess I made.  _ ”Why…?” _ She whispered with such deep-seated sorrow that it sounded like she was mourning a beloved friend. She then cleared her throat.  _ ”Ahem, well yes, this planet does have a name. It is the Land of Ink and Stars. And you, darling, you are this land’s hero.” _

“Seriously? So I’m like their knight in shining armor or something?”

Raritysprite shook her head vehemently.  _ ”Oh no, the Knight is a friend of yours-” _

“What.”

- _”Rather, you are the Seer of Hope._ _To be quite honest, I prefer your title more.”_ She smiled serenely. _”It has something of a unique touch, does it not? Something more befitting one like you?”_

To be honest, I agreed with her. Seer sounds heck of a lot cooler than knight. Or maybe I’m just biased cause I play as mages in video games. Who knows?

_ ”Well _ ,” she stated as she turned around, beginning to fly towards my house,  _ ”I should really get back home. The view is perfect, but your family needs me. So goodbye, Cody. If you need me, you just need to call.” _

At this point I was still admiring the shoreline, watching the ink-water push and recede from the coast. Curiously, I picked up a rather large rock that was laying in front of me. It had been coated in several different colors due to the waves, giving off a rather nice rainbow effort. The moment my hand touched it, it was enveloped in a captchalogue card and placed into my inventory.

...Here’s the thing though. My inventory was full at the time. And it was just then that I remembered this fact, and that when my inventory is full, the oldest item in my deck will my pushed out to make space for the new object. 

That ‘oldest item’ just happened to be the doll of Twilight Sparkle.

And, naturally, it was ejected directly behind me, where Raritysprite was.

I ask all readers to please take a moment to put two and two together, and then have a moment of silence for my common sense.

After the Twilight Sparkle doll was ejected from my sylladex, I spun around just in time to see a burst of blue light. An instant later, I was face-to-face with a brand new sprite. Her mane and tail had changed, going from being curled as if with a curling iron to naturally so. Two vertical stripes went down her mane and tail, both deeper shades of purple than the deep violet that colored the rest of it. Her coat, which used to be white, was now a faint lilac. Her horn had elongated and wings were now firmly on her sides. The tattoo on both sides of her flank had changed as well, becoming a single blue diamond in the center of a magenta star, surrounding by smaller white diamond shapes.

Rarilightsprite (Get it? It’s a combination of Rarity and Twilight. I’m clever.) gave her new body a once-over.  _ ”Hmm, curious.” _ She shrugged.  _ ”You may want to go talk to your friends, Cody. I’m sure they’re dying to know what all you’ve been through.” _ With that, she flew off, making use of her newfound wings in addition to her magical floating sprite powers.

“...Well that was random.”

\----------

**courtlyMusings [ CM]** ** responded to memo.**

**AC: cODY WHY**

**RM: why**

**ZD: Die Cody**

**IM: Why a pony?**

**TC: I’m done.**

**ZA: Cause Cody’s trash, Abi**

**IM: Oh, okay.**

**CR: cody pls**

**ZA: lmao**

**LC: So does this make me not a weeb?**

**ZA: b-baka**

**RM: i hate both of you**

**ZD: Kys Cloud**

**ZA: why**

**ZD: cause**

**ZA: no**

**ZD: yes**

**ZA: no**

**CM: I suddenly regret every single choice I’ve made in my life that has led me up to this point.**

**CM: And I mostly blame you guys.**

**CM: Specifically Mason and Nick.**

**ZD: wot**

** VM: I tried to stop you from prototyping the pony. **

**CM: Ah yes, this is definitely about the pony. Not the fact that you kinda nearly got me and my family killed.**

**CM: And it’s your fault for encouraging Nick for this game. So ha.**

**RM: he has a point pepper**

** VM: I still think you should’ve prototyped anything else. **

** VM: And you decided to prototype it with another pony. **

** VM: Why do you hate me. **

**CM: I do it with love. <3**

**ZD: No you don’t.**

**CM: No I don’t. :3**

**AC: okay but is that going to happen to all of us???**

**AC: cause like I dont want to play this game if were all gonna die and my friends gonna get hurt and my dogs and my family oh god**

**IM: Yeah what Ehm said.**

**CR: ^**

**CM: Well I’m not sure we have a choice.**

**CM: The meteor was already coming for me before the game started.**

**CM: And Rarilight just told me that it wasn’t a coincidence.**

**CM: I’m pretty sure this is part of the game. We can’t avoid it.**

**TC: Can’t we just go somewhere else or something?**

**CM: I don’t think so. According to Rarilight, those meteors are coming for Earth. A ton of them.**

**CM: I dunno if the game made them, but it seems to be the only way to save us.**

**AC: so what do we do**

**CM: Easy. We’re going to save ourselves, play the game, and win it.**

**CM: Shouldn’t be too hard, we have the best gamers I know here in one chat.**

**CM: So, let’s get started guys. Ehm, is your client downloaded?**

**AC: yeah it is**

**CM: Great. I’ll download my Sburb server then connect to you.**

**CM: Until then, stay inside and set things up. Keep your family and pets indoors, and stay with your computer.**

**CM: Got it?**

**AC: i think so**

**AC: youll be helping me right?**

**CM: Of course. And I’ll help everyone else when the time comes.**

**CM: So guys? We ready to play a game?**

**AC: i think so, yeah**

**RM: definitely**

**ZD: sure**

**TC: alright, let’s do it**

**VM: I’m ready.**

**IM: Yep, I’m good to go.**

**LC: lets go br0**

**CR: lets do it!**

**CM: Great! You guys get ready for playing. I’m gonna go download my server.**

**CM: Stay safe, guys. See you later.**

**CM: This is going to be an interesting birthday. :)**

**courtlyMusings [ CM] ** **ceased responding to memo.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still can't believe he chose a pony.


	2. Wherein Aliens Run Amock and We All Make Poor Decisions

**timedChapter [TC]** **responded to memo.**

**TC: Uh I know this is sudden but I just wanted to say that I have to go guys**

**TC: I was going to play with you all but Erebus said that he got the game and asked if I could be his partner**

**TC: I already cleared it up with Mason and all so...Yeah.**

**TC: I’ll tell you guys about it sometime but for now, bye. Good luck.**

**timedChaper [TC]** **ceased responding to memo.**

**courtlyMusings [CM]** **responded to memo.**

**CM: ...Well that was sudden and came out of nowhere.**

**CM: Anyways guys, I just started deploying some of Ehm’s devices. How's it looking on your ends?**

**romanceMaster [RM]** **responded to memo.**

**RM: kyle just got off work, so we're all just kinda chillin**

**RM: hes texting people so i guess it keeps him occupied**

**RM: moms doing the same**

**CM: Good. Don’t let them leave. If you can, get them to help you move things around to make room for the devices. Ehm should put them down later.**

**RM: k ill go tell them**

**CM: :3 Great. Good luck.**

**romanceMaster [RM]** **ceased responding to memo.**

**CM: Alright, everyone else?**

**inventiveMelody [IM]** **responded to memo.**

**IM: I think I’m ready?**

**IM: I just installed my discs and all but they’re not connected yet**

**IM: Do they connect automatically or something?**

**CM: I think so.**

**CM: And also, that is an interesting question. Does the game somehow know about us and who will connect to who? Is it sapient? Considering the meteors, this whole thing was predestined or whatever.**

**CM: In any case, just leave it up. Do you know who you’ll be connecting to? So far the only links in the chain I know of are “Nick-Cody-Ehm-Carter”.**

**CM: And probably Grace-Mason, I bet. :P**

**IM: Cloud said she’ll be my server player, so that works**

**IM: And I talked with Grace and she said I can be hers**

**IM: So yeah I think I’m okay**

**CM: Great! I think that’s a pretty good combo~ Just be careful that Cloud doesn’t toss any anime stuff in your house. XD**

**IM: :( Hagga…**

**romanceMaster [RM]** **responded to memo.**

**RM: fuck you**

**romanceMaster [RM]** **ceased responding to memo.**

**IM: :(**

**CM: xD**

**IM: So what are you doing**

**CM: Mostly just messing around. Rarilight is showing me a bit about alchemizing.**

**CM: Do you remember that really complicated crafting system we had on one of our MC servers?**

**IM: Uh...No, not really**

**CM: Okay well, basically, it was a really complex crafting system where instead of crafting an item itself, you craft all the pieces through an extensive and difficult procedure that most of us didn’t care enough to learn. After you make all the pieces, you put the items together to get an item of your choosing. Of course, this was made even more difficult by the time needed to get the items as a beginner, plus how not having an item to gather materials makes creating pieces for an items you need very difficult.**

**IM: That sounds annoying**

**CM: Trust me, it is. And this is kinda like that. You see, you can apparently alchemize practically anything you can imagine, but first you gotta churn out a cruxite dowel for the thing you want.**

**CM: After you get the cruxite, you gotta take the item you want and captchalogue it. Then you type the code on the back of the captchalogue card into something called the “punch designix” and push the card inside. The card gets holes punched into it from that.**

**CM: Then you put the card into the totem lathe and place the cruxite there too. Press start and let it carve it.**

**CM: Then put the cruxite on the alchemizer and activate it. Then you’ll get the item in exchange for X amount of build grist.**

**CM: Build grist is like a special currency for building or crafting in the game btw.**

**CM: Did any of that make sense?**

**IM: Uh...Kinda**

**IM: I don’t know what most of those things are so**

**CM: Don’t worry, it’ll make more sense when you enter the game.**

**IM: Cool**

**IM: So does it only make stuff you already have?**

**CM: Well yes and no?**

**CM: Like it can but.**

**CM: The key thing is to take two items and combine them.**

**CM: You take two punched captchalogue cards and lay them over each other in the totem lathe and you’ll get a special totem that combines the items in the cards. This gets a combo of the items.**

**CM: Like, doing that with say...A chair and a table? That would probably make like, a combo of those things? Like a bench with one chair connected to it, right?**

**IM: I guess**

**CM: But if instead you take one card and punch both of the items’ codes on it, you’ll get something completely different: That item with both of their traits, or traits of the other one.**

**CM: Instead of a bench, you’ll get a maybe a chair made of the same wood as the table, with the same number of legs and all.**

**CM: Does any of this make sense?**

**IM: I think so?**

**CM: Great~!** ****

**CM: So what’s up for you?**

**IM: Not much, just drawing a bit until Cloud joins. Im drawing Junoby.**

**CM: Who? :?**

**IM: She's my D &D character remember?**

**CM: Oh! I remember her! She was in a relationship with a social outcast and a rich demon.**

**IM: Mhm!**

**CM: Nnnnice.**

**IM: Mhm. Well see you later.**

**inventiveMelody [IM]** **ceased responding to memo.**

**CM: So...how is everyone else?**

**zwackAttack [ZA]** **responded to memo.**

**CM: Hey Cloud!**

**ZA: hi Cody**

**ZA: so, I can make anything I want right?**

**ZA: you know, with alchemy?**

**CM: Pretty much, yes!**

**CM: Why? Do you already have an idea for what you wanna make?**

**ZA: mhm, you'll love it**

**CM: ...I suddenly get the dark impression that I won't love it.**

**CM: Is it, perchance, something related to anime?**

**ZA: umm…**

**CM: Cloud please**

**CM: Why**

**ZA: :(**

**CM: Just...What is it you want to alchemize?**

**ZA: okay so you know how I have an ocarina right?**

**CM: Things are suddenly looking up. Yes, Cloud, I do.**

**ZA: do you think if I alchemized it with my Zelda game it would make the Ocarina of Time?**

**CM: !!!**

**CM: Cloud you're a genius!!!**

**ZA: ik ik**

**CM: This is a wonderful idea, you should totally do it!**

**CM: Meanwhile, I should look into alchemizing some other fandom things…**

**ZA: is it going to be pony stuff?**

**CM: Some of it. ;)**

**ZA: o**

**CM: ;)**

**CM: So, have you chosen your specibus and fetch modus yet?**

**ZA: yeah!!! i chose the triforce modus**

**CM: I approve greatly. What does it do?**

**ZA: it splits my cards into three parts. I get one and I have to find the others.**

**CM: That...sounds awesome yet incredibly difficult to work with. :o**

**CM: What's your specibus?**

**ZA: uh...I dont wanna say**

**CM: :? How come?**

**ZA: cause poke will laugh at me**

**CM: To be fair, that's a universal fact of life that Carter will laugh at us in some form or another. But I doubt it's that bad.**

**ZA: weebkind**

**CM: ...I'm sorry?**

**ZA: I chose weebkind. so I can use any weapon that has to do with anime**

**CM: That sounds pretty awesome.**

**CM: And OP. XD**

**ZA: mhm!!!**

**CM: You know what else that means?**

**ZA: what?**

**CM: If we can alchemize you a green tunic and a Master Sword, we may be able to dress you as Link.**

**CM: I may be able to find some pointed ears in my closet somewhere.**

**livelyConfectioner [LC]** **responded to memo.**

**LC: why does cody have ears in his closet**

**LC: is this some kind of weird kink or something**

**CM: :/ Yes Candy, I totally keep the ears of living people in my closet. I take them from my fallen foes after luring them into the quiet embrace of false friendship.**

**cosmicReverie [CR]** **responded to memo.**

**CR: i knew it**

**LC: grace we cant let cody do this**

**LC: we gotta REBEL**

**CR: lets do it**

**CR: (how do we rebel)**

**LC: we gotta fight the power**

**LC: the councils been compromised, you might be the only pure member of the council left**

**CM: You say to the girl who once had a certain “private” experience in a witch’s cabin**

**CR: O_O**

**CR: i-i dont know what youre talking about**

**CM: Mhmm. Sure.**

**CM: Anyway, as I was saying, Cloud I think you could go full-out Hero of Time.**

**CM: It would be a really cool idea.**

**CM: Anyway I should probably go check on my family. They’re checking out the new second floor we have.**

**CR: you have a new second floor?**

**CM: Yeah. Haven’t you guys been watching Nick’s screenshare?**

**CR: no**

**LC: no =^(**

**ZA: no lmao**

**IM: No**

**CM: Welp.**

**CM: Well, Nick can mess with my house as well as what’s in it.**

**CM: He already built a second floor, walls and roof and all. There are even columns supporting it.**

**CM: My family moved up there for the extra space. The first floor is basically being cleared out except for the bare basics.**

**CR: thats cool!!!**

**CM: Yeah! My family is glad. They’re petitioning that Nick tear apart my entire trailer and rebuild it completely new. XD**

**CM: Anyways, I’ll see you guys later~!**

**courtlyMusings [CM]** **ceased responding to memo.**

I pushed my phone into my pocket, taking great care not to captchalogue it while doing so. After the Rarilight incident, I learned that you have to be careful not to always put things into your sylladex willy-nilly, otherwise you risk turning your inventory into a high-risk game of dodgeball, with the occasional creation of unorthodox magical horse fusions.

Yes, that's definitely the moral here. 

“Well, my second prototyping could’ve been worse,” I admitted as I walked over to the totem lathe behind me. “I could’ve prototyped something totally useless or aggressive.” A chill went down my spine, like the Fates themselves were laughing at me for daring to tempt fate.

I’d need to have a talk with my friends later.

But I digress. Sitting idly on the totem lathe was yet another cruxite totem, freshly carved just like the ones laying on the ground around it. While they were all more or less the same shape a few minutes ago, that changed the moment I began carving them. Now there was not a single one that resembled another. Each totem had completely unique curves and edges, courtesy of my recent experiments with the captchalogue cards.

“Okay,” I said to myself as I picked up the newest totem. “Now are you the tablet combined with the glasses? Or the Xbox combined with the PS4…?”

My questions were brought to an abrupt halt by a crashing sound coming from my kitchen. A noise that was very definitely the shattering of glass reverberated throughout my home for an instant. Followed by another. And another. By the fourth time the sound hit, I was desensitized enough to coherently wonder what in the world that was.

Here's the issue. My family, as well as most of our earthly possessions, were on our newly created second floor. Rarilightsprite had brought them there so that I'd have time to get acquainted with the devices around my house in peace. And, due mostly to Nick working with a sparse amount of build grist, we didn't have some things. Like stairs. 

You see where this is going, right?

Brimming with paranoia, I picked up as many cruxite totems as I could (two) and headed out into the living room. The whole time, I ran through possibilities in my mind. 

_ It's probably just a coincidence, _ I decided.  _ Someone was running around upstairs and managed to push a plate off the counter.  _ It was the most logical answer. After all, my family was so rowdy that they made the Tazmanian Devil look tidy. Knocking down some glass? Easy.

Despite my own reassurances, though, I was still kinda worried. What can I say? I'm a superstitious person at heart. I'm the kind of guy who chooses anything with the number thirteen on it because I say it’s lucky. I choose my seat in class based on whichever has the best vibe rather than by how practical it is. I sometimes worry that the person closest to me might actually be a secret telepath, so I try not to think anything incriminating near them. (Which is somewhat redundant, considering you all know what I'm thinking now, isn't it?)

So the idea that perhaps someone managed to stow away in our house before we entered the game, or maybe that it’s some kind of supernatural creature that appeared when we entered, wasn’t too easy to shake from my mind. As I took those whopping ten steps or so from my bedroom to the living room, I kept close to the wall, eyeing the kitchen warily and making note of anything I could use to give me more time to run in case I needed to. 

As I rounded the corner into my living room, I came to a stop behind the alchemiter’s robotic arm. It wasn’t the best place to hide an eighteen-year-old kid, but it let me at least pretend that I was safe, so I stood behind it and peered over the island that marked where the living room met the kitchen. 

In the kitchen stood a weird black creature. I’m not talking as in dark gray or brown or whatever. It was actually black and stood at a modest four feet tall. It was standing in front of our oven and looking up into the dish counter, seemingly searching for something inside there. Moving rather like an animal, it used its arms to push against the countertop, crawling like a feral beast or a small child onto the counter, where it stood as it searched the cabinets, throwing whatever it found against the walls and floor, resulting in more broken ceramic shards coating the floor.

Now that it was standing above the island, I had a much better look at the creature. It had a thin coat of jet black fur across its whole body. A horn protruded from its forehead, giving off an scarlet glow as it wrapped bowls and plate in its aura before throwing them away. It had arms and legs, but no hands or feet. Instead, its limbs were tipped off with cloven hooves, even though it stood upright like a human. Produced from its mouth were porcelain-colored teeth, each individual tooth sharp enough to easily pierce human skin if it tried. Its eyes were white, lacking pupils and irises. They searched the cabinets, filled with hate as if our Walmart-brand dishes offended its sight. 

I suddenly wished that Rarilight was here. She’d probably have some sort of idea as to how to deal with this...whatever it was. At the least she could probably get rid of it. Instead all I had was two totems and a sylladex that liked to keep me on my toes. 

I quickly came to the realization that any fight between me and this whatever-is-it would be very one sided. As such, I made the wisest move I made all day: I began backtracking into my bedroom, where I would barricade the door and message my friends for help.

I started taking steps backwards, my eyes focused on the creature to make sure that it wouldn’t move. I was so focused on the thing in front of me that I failed to account for one key aspect of my house.

It was a freaking mess.

Because  _ why not? _ , my foot ended up falling on a plastic bowling pin one of my brothers got for his birthday. And because, again  _ why not? _ , I was too busy trying to process this fact instead of moving to avoid what was about to come.

I pressed my foot down on the pin without thought. The result was instant. It rolled out from under me, taking my whole body with it. I fell over with a rather loud  _ thump _ as the two totems fell out of my hands, making similar sounds.

I could feel the creature’s wrathful eyes on me before I saw them. I could hear its rapid chatterings that must have been its way of communication. A series of thoughts ran through my head as I heard it leap off the counter and start scampering my way, but only one of those thoughts could most accurately portray my thoughts at the moment.

_ I’m screwed. _

\----------

Your name is Ehm, and you're fifteen-years-old. As you know, today is a fairly important day in your life. What makes it more important than any other, you may ask? Simple. Today is October 13th, the birthday of one of your closest friends! And as any day would begin, it all starts in your bedroom. Here you proudly display a variety of different interests such as-

...Wait a minute, why are you doing this? This is stupid. Not only is this a lazy way of giving away information that could simply be taken from dialogue and subtext, but it’s also a cheap meta gimmick that only goes to show that whoever is saying all this obviously doesn’t know the meaning of  _ show, don’t tell. _

Let’s shake things up a bit then, shall we?

**\--** **artsyCrystal [AC]** **began pestering** **romanceMaster [RM]** **at 17:00--**

**AC: cARTER aRE YOU THERE**

**AC: cody just stopped talking in the group chat iM SCARED**

**RM: is he still droppin devices in your house?**

**AC: no but i think thats all of them?**

**AC: but i still want codys help**

**AC: i dont want to play this anymore**

**AC: the queen didnt say it would hurt us**

**RM: i know but you heard cody**

**RM: it was probably always going to happen**

**RM: but i promise that youll be fine**

**RM: is there anyone with you?**

**AC: my family is here but they dont know what to do**

**AC: cody blocked all the doors so nobody can leave**

**AC: and he locked them in my mom’s room so they cant help me**

**RM: he probably did it to keep you guys safe**

**RM: but dont worry youll be fine**

**RM: have you opened your cruxtruder yet?**

**AC: do you mean the big thing with the wheel on it?**

**RM: ya**

**AC: no**

**AC: do i need to?**

**RM: i dont think so**

**RM: but i think thats when youre able to get a sprite or some shit so you may wanna decide on that real quick**

**AC: can i use anything?**

**RM: ya i think so**

**AC: could i choose the doll i made?**

**RM: i guess lmao**

**AC: yES**

**RM: ;)**

**RM: i know exactly what im gonna use**

**AC: what?**

**RM: jeremiah the pumpkin**

**AC: what**

**RM: here let me send a pic**

**\--** **romanceMaster [RM]** **sent** **artsyCrystal [AC]** **the file “look at my son.png” --**

**AC: beautiful carter**

**RM: ikr**

**AC: so what are you doing**

**RM: sleeping for a bit**

**RM: i thought one of the others would wake up but nah**

**RM: theyre all still asleep as usual**

**RM: what abt over on your side?**

**AC: same**

**AC: codys been sleeping p weird tho so he might wake up soon**

**RM: lmao sweet**

**RM: i cant wait for him to see what its like there**

**RM: tbh i think theyre all getting restless**

**RM: like nobodys woke up yet but theyre getting strange**

**RM: did you know candy sleep talks**

**AC: she does?**

**RM: she does in her tower**

**RM: shes been saying things like baka and 707**

**RM: weeb shit**

**AC: i know right**

**RM: ya**

**RM: but seriously you should go to sleep when this is all over**

**RM: fly around and see if anythings changed now that we’ve started**

**AC: yeah i think i will**

**AC: i still thought it wasnt going to be dangerous**

**AC: like the clouds were always nice and pretty**

**AC: i didnt see fucking meteors in them**

**AC: like fuck that i wouldve stopped playing immediately**

**RM: yeah well**

**RM: idk im kinda excited**

**RM: like yeah its dangerous but its like an adventure**

**RM: and that makes us the heroes who get the save the day and stuff in the end**

**RM: who knows maybe we’ll get a trophy or something for saving the world**

**AC: can i get a fluffy bear toy instead**

**RM: lmao sure ehm**

**RM: “mr president sir my friend wants a stuffed animal instead of a trophy can we do that”**

**RM: “sure why not”**

**RM: obamas p chill hed probably do that**

**AC: xD**

**AC: oh fuck one of those people is messaging me**

**RM: what do they want**

**AC: dunno**

**AC: ill go see**

**RM: aight**

**RM: see ya later**

**AC: bye**

**\--** **artsyCrystal [AC]** **ceased pestering** **romanceMaster [RM]** **\--**

**\--** **gallowsCalibrator [GC]** **began trolling** **artsyCrystal [AC]** **\--**

**GC: H33333333Y 3HM**

**GC: GU3SS WH4T**

**AC: what do you want**

**GC: JUST CH3CK1NG 1N ON MY F4VOR1T3 HUM4N**

**AC: will you please just stop**

**AC: im kinda busy i dont have time for this alien bullshit right now**

**GC: OH 1 KNOW YOU 4R3**

**GC: 1M W4TCH1NG YOU R1GHT NOW 4CTU4LLY**

**GC: 1TS K1ND OF FUNNY TO B3 HON3ST**

**AC: how**

**GC: YOUR WHOL3 T34M 1S SO IN3PT 4T TH1S TH4T 1TS L4UGH4BL3**

**GC: 4ND S4D R43LLY**

**AC: cool now can you back off**

**GC: NOT 4 CH4NCE**

**GC: 1M JUST GO1NG TO W4TCH YOU 4ND P3RH4PS OFF3R 4DV1C3 ON TH3 OFF CH4NC3 TH4T YOU R34L1Z3 JUST HOW SUP3R1OR W3 4R3 TO YOU 1N 34CH 4ND 3V3RY W4Y**

**AC: sure okay im just going to try something**

**GC: >:? WH4T**

**artsyCrystal [AC]** **banned gallowsCalibrator [GC]**

**gallowsCalibrator [GC]** **was unbanned by** **??????????????? [??]**

**AC: what the fuck**

**GC: 1 TOLD YOU YOUNG 3HMM4**

**GC: W3 4R3 SUP3R1OR TO YOU 1N 3V3RY W4Y**

**AC: please dont call me ehmma**

**AC: and stop watching me its creepy as fuck**

**GC: HMPH YOUR3 NO FUN**

**GC: M4YB3 1LL CH3CK 1N ON ON3 OF YOUR FR13NDS INST34D**

**AC: oh god no**

**GC: >;]**

**\--** **gallowsCalibrator [GC]** **ceased trolling** **artsyCrystal [AC]** **\--**

Well that was surely an enlightening conversation that probably won’t mean anything in the foreseeable future.

Ehm found herself staring at her phone after the conversation ended. What was she supposed to do exactly? Cody was gone, doing who knows what. Carter was asleep, and Ehm knew from experience that sleeping people weren’t too reliable in life-or-death situations. Nobody else had entered the game yet or really knew what to do. She’d have more luck asking a teddy bear for help. At least teddy bears were comforting.

With her phone still in hand, she walked into the living room. The entire area was rearranged to the point that she could hardly recognize it. Cody had been pretty liberal with the move tool, it seemed, as most of the furniture in here was either thrown into another room or shoved against the walls to maximize the space. Blocking the doorways out of the house, as well as taking some space in the middle of the room, were a few of the objects Cody had dropped in here. Ehm recognized the thing that makes a sprite, the thing that made objects in general, and the thing that made those weird cylinders. In essence, she was staring at a lot of things and not much practical help.

An anxious feeling built up in her chest as she looked between the devices. This wasn’t what she was promised by the queen. Granted, the queen was (in Carter’s words) vague as fuck, but she at least said things that really encouraged Ehm to play. Heck, Ehm was one of the game’s staunchest supporters in the past, alongside Carter. But after seeing what Cody went through to enter his game…

With but a thought, Ehm summoned her sylladex. At her command, a horizontal garden bed appeared. It was about as long as Ehm was tall, and laid horizontally in front of her. In the black soil, various plants were sprouting, ranging from seedlings to half-grown, to nearly fully grown flowers. In front of each piece of flora was a small piece of paper depicting a picture of what was being grown. 

The girl kneeled in front of the garden bed, scrutinizing each plant. As she knew, her fetch modus was designed in a rather weird way. Upon captchaloguing an object, the item would be turned into a seed. This seed had to be planted into the flower bed so that it could grow. Only when the flower bloomed could Ehm access the item she had planted. Back when Ehm had first awakened, she thought that this modus would be pretty fun to use, even if it was inconvenient for timed tasks.

Eventually, her eyes fell on one of the largest plants. This one was among the oldest of the group, an object she had captchalogued a few days ago. The clouds had shown her that she’d need this object very soon, so she made haste to make and captchalogue it before that time came. Due to its small size, one would think she wouldn’t have to wait long for it, but it seemed her sylladex had other plans. Instead, it seemed she would be waiting a while before she could get it back.

She turned to two nearly fully-grown flowers at the end of the bed. Their petals were poised upward, closed in a way that showed they had not yet blossomed. Despite this, Ehm still watched expectantly, as if her gaze alone could make the flower bloom.

“Five,” she began to count, watching with baited breath. “Four. Three. Two. One…”

At that last word, it happened. The flowers’ petals pulled apart, slowly blossoming into two beautiful flowers, each bearing small captchalogue cards that grew to their full size a moment later. With a look of awe across her face, she took the cards and released what was inside.

Ehm wasted no time in equipping her newly-grown items. The first, a bright green strife specibus, blinked out of existence at her touch. The second item, a simple airsoft pistol, was quickly allocated to the card. It disappeared with the specibus, leaving Ehm with nothing but two wasted plants.

Or so it seemed. Ehm could feel the pistol occupying the specibus card, ready to be used at a moment’s notice. If need be, Ehm could summon the gun directly into her hands without going through the hassle of planting a seed. She was pretty glad strife specibi were less confusing than fetch modi. It made her life a lot easier.

However, while having a weapon made her feel somewhat safer, Ehm was still hyper aware of the fact that at any moment she could have a meteor bearing down on her. Trying to swallow her panic, she grabbed her phone and checked Pesterchum.

**artsyCrystal [AC]** **responded to memo.**

**AC: guys is cody back yet**

**AC: i really need help and i dont know what to do**

**AC: please?**

**AC: guys cmon i need help**

**AC: guys im serious help me**

**AC: guuuuuuuuuuuuys**

**AC: please someone message me when you get this**

**artsyCrystal [AC]** ** ceased responding to memo.**

Ehm was right in the middle of falling into despair when her saving grace arrived. Right as she thought she was going to die by space rock, everything changed. The heavens opened up, a holy choir sang of joy. God himself appeared and made the meteor vanish, and nobody had to worry about anything anymore.

...What? You want what actually happened? Fine, but it's nowhere near as neat and tidy.

Instead, Ehm’s phone buzzed with a new notification. Praying that it was Cody, or even Nick, or someone that knew how to help her, she opened Pesterchum again.

She was sorta right. 

**\--** **gallowsCalibrator [GC]** **began trolling** **artsyCrystal [AC]** **\--**

**GC: YOUR3 NOT GO1NG TO G3T 4NYTH1NG OUT OF TH3M**

**AC: fuck you**

**CG: >:[ 1TS THE TRUTH**

**CG: TH3YR3 4LL BUSY G3TT1NG R34DY FOR TH3IR G4M3S**

**CG: 4ND YOUR D3L1GHTFUL BLU3B3RRY FR13ND 1SNT 1N 4 GOOD PL4C3 R1GHT NOW**

**AC: huh**

**AC: what blueberry friend**

**GC: TH3 ON3 W1TH TH3 HOOFB34ST SPR1T3**

**AC: hoofbeast? you mean horse?**

**GC: Y3S WH4T3V3R**

**AC: so you mean cody????**

**AC: have you talked to him?**

**GC: 1 DONT N33D TO**

**GC: 1 TOLD YOU 3HM W3 C4N S33 3V3RYTH1NG**

**GC: L1KE HOW CODY WONT B3 4BL3 TO T4LK TO YOU UNT1L 4FT3R YOU G3T TO TH3 M3DIUM**

**GC: 4ND HOW YOU D3SP3R4T3LY N33D H3LP**

**AC: i dont get it is cody okay?**

**GC: H3LL B3 F1NE**

**GC: PROB4BLY**

**GC: BUT YOU WONT B3**

**GC: YOU ONLY H4V3 4 F3W M1NUT3S B3FOR3 TH3 M3T3OR H1TS SO 1 SUGG3ST YOU HURRY**

**AC: but what do i do???**

**AC: plus i thought you didnt like us??**

**GC: 1 N3V3R S41D TH4T**

**GC: 1 JUST S41D TH4T W3R3 B3TT3R TH4N YOU**

**GC: WH1CH W3 4R3**

**GC: BUT 1 R34L1Z3D TH4T YOUR CONT1NU3D SURV1V4L 1S V1T4L TO F1GUR1NG OUT WH4TS GO1NG ON 4ROUND H3R3**

**AC: you mean sburb?**

**GC: NO WH4T 1M T4LK1NG 4BOUT 1S MOR3 1MPORT4NT TH4N YOUR S3SSION**

**GC: BUT YOU M4Y S4V3 OURS 1F W3 PL4Y OUR C4RDS R1GHT**

**GC: SO HUM4N 1 W1LL 4SK YOU TH1S ONC3**

**GC: DO YOU W4NT TO PL4Y 4 G4M3**

**AC: uh**

**AC: sure**

**GC: >:] GR34T**

**GC: NOW F1RST TH1NGS F1RST 1 N33D YOU TO M4K3 SUR3 YOUR D3V1C3S 4R3 1N ORD3R**

\----------

On the last episode of  _ Whatever The Heck Is Cody’s Life Anymore _ , we left you off on an enticing cliffhanger. Like the true klutz he is, Cody managed to somehow trip right in the middle of a daring escape, leading to his being found by a terrifying equine-eqsue monster. The horrifying creature had Cody in its sights, and began charging towards him. Without a weapon or means of defense, it seems that our young hero has finally met his match! What will he do now?

...You know, that was actually pretty fun to write out. If I wasn’t about to die, I’d totally continue that sometime. Anyways, back to my almost getting killed.

The creature leaped onto the alchemiter, hissing as it narrowed its eyes on me. Its horn glowed a deep crimson as my vision was coated in red. The cruxite totems and I were lifted into the air, and I could feel the monster’s aura begin to squeeze my body. It grinned wickedly as this happened, seeming to take some kind of perverse joy in trying to crush me to death.

I struggled to escape the magic, but to no avail. The more I moved, the tighter the grip got. I could feel discomfort turn into into pain as the pressure increased. I could’ve sworn bruises were beginning to form on my skin. And, as icing to the cake, I was starting to panic from what felt like an enclosed space.

I could feel my heart pounding as I stopped really thinking about what I was doing. I punched, kicked, and otherwise thrashed against the magic that was holding me, but nothing happened. I tried screaming for help, only for the creature to throw my body against a wall. 

The monster yanked me back into the air, then slammed me against the front door. Then a second time. Then a third. By the fourth hit I felt like someone had just used a battering ram to massage my back. And, naturally, I was still at the creature’s mercy without a weapon.

My eye caught the cruxite totem hovering a few fet or so away. Slowly, a plan formulated in my mind.  _ I don’t have a weapon...But I have a sylladex. _

I flashed the creature a grin that was way too cocky for how much pain I was in. “That all you got? My brother’s done worse!” 

It snarled at me before slamming me once more into the door, but this time I was ready. I pressed my feet flat against the door and, when it pulled me away, I pushed myself ahead. The monster apparently wasn’t expecting me to propel myself forward, because it didn’t stop me. It just stared as I was launched toward the first totem. I captchalogued it without hesitation, turning to face the creature.

That’s when it came together. When the totem was added to my already full inventory, my sylladex was forced to eject the oldest thing in it. That thing just so happened to be a pillow. Now I'm not sure I can accurately describe just how hilarious the monster's face was when I indirectly smacked it with a pillow, so I'm just gonna ask that you imagine the most startled face you can imagine.

Got it imagined? Sweet. Let's continue then.

I apparently managed to get the creature off guard, because its magic was disrupted. Everything in its magical grasp fell to the ground, myself included.

I have never been so happy to get dropped on the floor.

I hastily stood up, taking advantage of my enemy’s surprise to captchalogue the other cruxite totem. My mattress sprang out of my sylladex, slamming into the creature with such force that the monster dissolved.

No, I'm serious. It just...dissolved. Left where its body used to be were multicolored shapes of various sizes that vaguely reminded me of gushers.

Yeah I don’t get it either.

Cautiously, I approached the mattress. I kept my hand on it, ready to captchalogue it in case the creature was still alive. Slowly, I turned it over to reveal that it was indeed gone. Under the mattress were even more gushers-like objects. 

Because I lack the sense not to touch weird things I don't know the origin of, I poked one of the shapes, a large and blue one. At my touch, it vanished. 

My eyebrows furrowed.  _ What?  _ I began tapping each of the shapes one by one. Each time I came into contact, though, they disappeared as if they were never there. Yet I could feel where they were going to some degree. In the same way I could feel my inventory in whatever void or hammerspace that existed in, I could tell that these shapes were going to a similar yet non-accessible place.

About a moment later, my phone buzzed in my sylladex. I swiftly summoned the card and pressed the procrastinate button to release it. I'd use the writing feature eventually. When I wasn't in danger or whatever.

**\--** **veiledMemory [VM]** **began pestering** **courtlyMusings [CM]** **\--**

**VM: What did you just do?**

**CM: I think I killed something? It was a weird monster. Did you see it?**

**VM: Yeah, near the end. I wasn't really paying attention until I saw the walls shake.**

**CM: Thanks friend.**

**VM: I was busy. Anyways, did you pick up that stuff it dropped?**

**CM: Yeah. It all went somewhere. What was it?**

**VM: I think it was grist. Right when you touched it, your grist stores replenished some.**

**VM: Which leads me to think that what you just thought was an enemy of this game, seeing as it dropped exactly what we need to continue the game.**

**CM: Oh? That would explain how it got here. I guess it spawned when I entered the game.**

**CM: Wait, are there other monsters in the house?**

**VM: None that I can see. I'd be careful though. Try to keep your sylladex ready just in case.**

**VM: Good thinking back there by the way.**

**CM: :) Thanks! And alright, I will.**

**CM: Why did it look like a unicorn though? It seemed kinda random.**

**VM: Who knows. Maybe it was because of how you prototyped Rarity. Or maybe the game chooses enemies that will mess with you personally.**

**VM: You should ask Rarilight when you get a chance.**

**VM: And also check the main chat. Ehm posted there a few minutes ago.**

**CM: Maybe...That's actually a terrifying thought. If the game could read my mind, I'm not sure I'm comfortable playing this. XD**

**CM: And alright. I'll do that now.**

**\--** **courtlyMusings [CM]** **ceased pestering** **veiledMemory [VM]** **\--**

  
  
  


**artsyCrystal [AC]** **responded to memo.**

**AC: guys is cody back yet**

**AC: i really need help and i dont know what to do**

**AC: please?**

**AC: guys cmon i need help**

**AC: guys im serious help me**

**AC: guuuuuuuuuuuuys**

**AC: please someone message me when you get this**

**artsyCrystal [AC]** ** ceased responding to memo.**

**courtlyMusings [CM]** **responded to memo.**

**CM: Ehm????**

**CM: Guys what happened**

**CM: I was just in the middle of something**

**CM: Whats going on**

**romanceMaster [RM]** **responded to memo.**

**RM: hey cody whats up**

**CM: I nearly died, my whole body hurts, and Ehm is in mortal danger and won’t answer me. You?**

**RM: my fams safe so im taking a nap**

**RM: resting**

**RM: whatever**

**CM: Hm. Well you may want to hurry, seeing as Ehm will be pulling you into the game next.**

**RM: dont worry ill be fine**

**RM: ill just wait here and listen until i wake up**

**CM: :? Wake up? Listen? I don’t get it.**

**RM: you know just**

**RM: listening to music and all**

**RM: sick beats man**

**RM: mariah carey is rockin it**

**RM: and you know, wake up and junk**

**CM: Not really, no. :?**

**RM: eh youll figure it out eventually**

**RM: prob real soon**

**CM: That was as vague as it was unhelpful.**

**RM: ;)**

**CM: Anyways, do you know how I can get into contact with Ehm? She’s ignoring me.**

**RM: i think she muted her phone or w/e**

**RM: but i can check on her if you want**

**CM: How? If we’re all muted, how would she answer you?**

**RM: dont worry abt it**

**RM: i have my ways**

**RM: ;P**

**romanceMaster [RM]** **ceased responding to memo.**

**CM: Why is everyone so cryptic today?**

**courtlyMusings [CM]** ** ceased responding to memo.**

\----------

What do you see when you dream? This is not a random question. In fact, it could be the most important question you’ll ever be asked. When you close your eyes at night, do you open them to the clouds of a holy battlefield? Or do you awaken to the voices of old gods whispering in your head? Are you greeted by golden spires or violet alleyways? Is your arrival rejoiced, or dreaded by those around you?

You can probably tell by now that I’m not talking in hypotheticals. I guess after what I’ve gone through, it shouldn’t be a surprise that in this game, your dreams aren’t in your head. Nor should I be surprised that we were all drafted for a planetary war before we were even born, or that this war led to our births in the first place.

...But I’m getting ahead of myself, aren’t I? I was talking about dreams. And who better to display the true meaning of a dream than someone who lived it longer than anybody else.

So let’s go to the medium. Let’s explore far past the borders of the Land of Ink and Stars. Far past any of the ten planets revolving around the ancient battlefield in the center, and towards the asteroid belt that separate this game from the great unknown.

And on the other side of that asteroid belt, bordering the unknowable chaos of the Furthest Ring, you will see a planet. This planet is covered in shades of purple and violet and fuschia. The inhabitants on it, with their hard, shell-like onyx skin, wandered about the world, casting suspicious glances towards one another as they kept a deft hand on their knives. They all had knives. What self-respecting carapacian wouldn’t have at least five on their person?

Looming far above the citizens of this world were a series of ten spires, each spread out a fair distance from one another in groups of two. Each spire was topped by an orb, each a deep gray save one that glowed. Within that single orb was what seemed to be a horse-like toy. Perhaps a pony or something. As if someone had somehow imbued this spire with a pony’s likeness for some reason. But why would anyone do that? That would be stupid.

But let’s move on from there and get to why we’re  _ really  _ here. So please, follow the giant chain that connects this planet to its moon. Pass by the fashionably-dressed carapacian citizens of the world and admire the five towers that adorned this moon. Climb up the closest one, and peek into the window at the top that acts as the sole entryway into the tower.

Inside, you’ll find a room colored in a bright scarlet red. If you were to look around, you'd see a dragon-themed bed and a medieval knight outfit draped over a vanity. You'd see posters and superhero memorabilia and marine life and model starships hanging from the ceiling.

And if you looked closer, you'd see a boy sitting in a rolling chair, wearing purple pajamas, and staring at the computer on his cluttered desk as he signed off Pesterchum. His red text matched that of his room, and he smiled as the chat window was closed.

This boy went by many names. Sometimes he was called romanceMaster. Sometimes he was known as Poke. Other times as “That one dude who won't stop falling in love with dangerous chicks”.

But usually he just went by Carter. 

Carter powered down his computer and stood up, lightly pushing the rolling chair so that it rolled across the room, not stopping until it hit a wall. Friction was nothing to this chair. Maybe it was because Carter didn’t  _ want _ friction to apply, therefore meaning it would move indefinitely until it hit something. One thing about life on this moon, he realized, was that the term ‘mind over matter’ meant a lot more than one would think.

Carter strolled over to the vanity, grabbing the knight costume and throwing it onto his bed.  _ It’ll be an actual set of armor soon _ , he thought to himself.  _ Just a few more hours...First though, I gotta get ready to talk to them. _

Carter examined himself in the mirror, taking note of his current state of dress. The aforementioned purple pajamas looked rather nicely on him, if he did say so himself. They fitted him perfectly, just as they had for years. It was as if they adjusted themselves to fit his body so that he’d always be comfortable, which was probably the case. After all, mind over matter.

Still, despite the comfort, Carter found the outfit kinda formal. C’mon, shoulder pads? Striped white-and-purple collar? Swirling white lines on the waist? It made him look more like the princely douche going to the royal ball. Fashionable, but not what you’d wear to talk with your friends unless you were planning to lord yourself around.

That being said, the silver crescent moon in the center of his torso was cool. 

However, nothing says  _ fuck you, cthulu _ quite like approaching dark gods in casual wear. So, with a snap of his fingers, the outfit changed. The shirt went from the long-sleeved velvet to a fuschia t-shirt bearing the crescent moon in the center. His hair went from being done up and looking nice to looking as if he had just gotten out of bed. Carter’s pants disappeared entirely, leaving him in simple crimson boxers.

Because every eldritch creature wants to see a guy in bright red boxers as they turn their haunting gaze upon the mortal world. 

With that done, Carter approached the window of his tower, leaning outward. The length of the structure went down for miles, with the carapacians on the ground being like ants on the moon’s surface. 

Cautiously, Carter stepped onto the ledge, checking his surroundings to make sure he wasn’t being watched before willing himself to rise into the air, then darting off as fast as he could.

There’s something to be said about flying. On one hand, the carapacians of Derse (that is to say, the planet to which the moon was connected) very rarely opted to cause trouble with the players in their sleep. Something about rules against messing with them before the game started. This meant that anybody who was awake could technically fly around as often as they wanted without fear of reprisal. 

On the other hand, Carter knew that Dersites weren’t one for playing by the rules. If they could find a loophole, they certainly would. And now that the game had technically started, he wasn’t sure how much he wanted to test his luck. That was good enough motivation to keep him on the ground if there was any.

...Oh yeah, and flying is also pretty terrifying to someone with acrophobia. Was that ever mentioned? Probably not.

And so, encouraged by possible attacks from Dersites and also the worry that he might start plummeting towards the moon’s surface, Carter skedaddled as fast as he could towards his target, praying that his mystical powers of flight wouldn’t be a douche and abandon him in his time of need.

Not long after, Carter arrived at the window of the second dream tower. He climbed inside as quickly as he could, sparing a glance back to make sure nobody was following him before continuing into the room.

This room was noticeably different from Carter’s, but that’s what he was expecting. Dream rooms tended to reflect the dreamer’s psyche, he reasoned, and usually did this by looking like a replica of the dreamer’s bedroom in real life, with some adjustments.

This room was a deep navy blue. Books and clothes were strewn across the room haphazardly, while anime posters clung neatly to the walls. It was almost as if someone was too busy marathoning  _ Attack on Titan _ to do anything but reverently chant Levi’s name…

Aside from that, things were fairly simple. A medal here, a fish tank there (which Carter highly approved of), and a single solid gold statue of 707 from  _ Mystic Messenger,  _ standing eerily in the corner and watching Carter with its twenty carat eyes…

Carter decided to ignore the statue, noting that it obviously wasn't important enough to warrant his attention, now or in the foreseeable future. Instead, he walked over to the nearby bed, where a girl around Carter’s age laid, sleeping peacefully.

Carter approached the girl, not considering how weird it is to invade a person’s dream room just to hover over them. Seriously man. Edward Cullen-levels of creep are going on here.

The girl was not aware of this creepiness however, and kept snoozing away. Despite her deep slumber, however, she didn’t look messy. Her almost neck-length brown hair bob was parted to the right, looking as if it had been freshly brushed. Her purple pajamas matched the ones Carter had worn to a T. From the crescent moon symbol of Derse to the violet color scheme; the only difference was that rather than pants, the outfit had a flowing skirt that reached her feet. Clutched tightly in one of her hands was a pair of dark thick-rimmed glasses.

Carter sat down in a chair next to the bed. Unlike everything else here, this was something he brought from his own tower. Whenever he checked up on the other dreamers, he liked to have something to relax in. It made things a bit easier as he waited indefinitely.

“So…” Carter’s voice echoed through the silent dream tower. “You gonna wake up today, or…?”

The dreamer didn’t answer. Instead, her face scrunched up as if something was bothering her. Carter briefly wondered if she was having a nightmare. Those were pretty common among unawakened dreamers. He wouldn’t know, of course. Unlike Ehm, Carter felt as if he’d been awake his whole life. It wasn’t until a few years ago that he really  _ knew _ it though.

You think puberty’s normally bad? Just wait until another aspect of your soul awakens in another form of existence. That makes things much more interesting.

“C’mon, Candy,” he said, giving the girl’s arm a slight poke. “Wake up asshole. Wakey wakey, time to smell the goddamn bacon, chop chop!”

The girl, Candy, didn’t respond. She just turned over with her back facing Carter. 

“Ugh.” Carter threw himself back into the chair, staring upwards toward the ceiling and the galaxies painted onto the roof. Constellations twinkled above Candy’s bed, inviting her into joining the waking world. But it seemed Candy didn’t give a shit what the constellations had to say. She was unconsciously giving the constellations a metaphorical middle finger, whispering a soft but powerful,  _ Fuck you _ , as she drifted on in the canals of sleep, not a worry in her tired little head.

Honestly, Carter was on the constellation’s side here, but he saw that there was nothing that could be done. Candy obviously wasn’t going to wake up any time soon. She was acting the same way she’d been for the past few years. 

With that, Carter hopped out of the chair and hovered off towards the window, sparing Candy’s unconscious body a final curious glance before floating outside, where he was greeted by the sight of Derse’s purple moon once more. Spread out evenly across the moon’s surface were three other towers, not counting his own. These towers, as Carter knew, contained the sleeping dreamers just like Candy. Also like Candy, these dreamers were close friends of his. While he didn’t know who they were when he first began checking in on their towers, he eventually came to realize that these dreamers were none other than his online pals. 

_ Well, _ Carter thought, his eyes being drawn to the another nearby dream tower. He willed his body to fly towards it once more.  _ Most of them, I think. _

As he approached the latest tower, Carter knew that this one was the most interesting of all. While it was mostly exactly identical to the other towers, it had one key difference that really bothered Carter each time he saw it. 

The tower’s window was shut, blocked by a thick wooden panel and pair of bright lavender curtains. Carter didn’t bother trying to get through these blockades, as he had learned the hard way that they could neither be opened nor broken through. (Surprisingly, dream windows are actually much sturdier than real windows and hurt a hell of a lot more when you try slamming your body against them.)

This tower had been something of a mystery to Carter for the past few years. Despite the fact that Carter knew most of this moon inside and out, this one tower managed to place a ton of doubt in his mind. He had no clue who was in it. Not a single peep came from this place, causing Carter to think it might just be an extra tower. However, according to his source on the other moon, none of the towers seemed to be like this, and he knew that this game generally didn’t do anything for shits and giggles.

After a few customary window checks (knocking on the door, tapping out morse code, and asking if he could borrow a cup of sugar), Carter decided to give up and get down to what he set out to do in the first place. 

Carter began to soar upwards, trying to close the distance between himself and the endless void ahead of him as fast as he could. As he did so, the presence in his mind grew. It began to change from a faded feeling of dread to quiet murmurs in a language he didn’t quite understand. His heart became to speed up some as the presence began to weigh down on his mind. It was like having a thousand people asking you dozens of different questions at once, yet he couldn’t hear them like you’d hear anything else. The voices didn’t exist outside of his mind, and despite the fact that he couldn’t decipher their language he still knew what was being asked of him.

_ Knight, are you ready? _

_ Have they begun their quest? _

_ Will the Earth be lost? _

_ Can you save your home? _

_ Shall you make a new one? _

These questions and more ran throughout his brain, making it harder and harder to focus his thoughts on a single thing. Instead, he found his mind wandering. He wondered why he decided to ask these monsters anything at all. He wondered why the dreamers on the other moon got fanciful prophecies in the sky while he got these assholes. He wondered why he thought showing up in his boxers would do more than mildly annoy him.

Thankfully, however, Carter was more prepared than usual. After a few moments of allowing the voices to overwhelm him, he silenced them with but a command.

_ Stop. _

The voices, indignant at the command but understanding that they needed to cooperate, lowered themselves to a murmur. Carter could feel their presence drain away, opening up room in his mind for true thought as he began to gather his bearings.

_ Alright,  _ Carter thought towards the voices.  _ Now that that’s done...I need to know what’s happening to my friend Ehm. _

The voices went quiet. Silence filled the void around Carter, and he suddenly became hyper aware of the fact that he was hundreds of miles off the ground, and that if he suddenly started falling he would be in real danger of never dreaming again.

In was about at that time that the voices answered him. A sharp pain stabbed at Carter’s brain as a vision seared itself into his mind, the answer to his question being forcibly burned into his memory without his say so.

A moment later, the pain was gone as the voices retreated back into the void. Images flashed through Carter’s eyes, the knowledge he sought now given to him, as requested. Some part of Carter was grateful that the voices answered him so simply. He knew that these things were capable of much worse than scarring teens for life.

Still. A simple explanation scribbled onto a piece of paper could’ve sufficed.

Sadly, just as Carter was remembering just why he believed the voices to be the biggest douche-canoes of the century, he also realized that the momentary act of receiving the voices’ answer was distracting enough to make him forget to do something really important.

He forgot to keep flying.

As he began plummeting towards the bright purple moon, Carter felt many things. Fear was chief among those things, naturally, but there was another feeling. A feeling of deep-seated anger, one which burned at his very core and made him want to do something he might later regret.

So maybe then, that is why he decided to do what happened next, which would forever change the lives of himself and his friends…

“ASSSSSSSHO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-OLES!”

\----------

**romanceMaster [RM]** **responded to memo.**

**RM: hey ehm is cool she’s just getting trolled by an alien**

**RM: (wish i was talkin to an alien, fuckin love aliens)**

**RM: and her plants are coming in nicely except for the one with a person in it**

**RM: so we’re all good**

**RM: also the dark gods are assholes dont trust them**

**romanceMaster [RM]** ** ceased responding to memo.**

Carter leaned back in his rolling chair, closing out the Pesterchum window belonging to his friends. As much as he enjoyed talking to them, he decided to cut his losses for today and spend the rest of his dream chilling. That little near death experience a few minutes ago had done a lot to ruin the fun of hanging around a cool dream moon. After all, falling to one’s death tends to do a number of them emotionally.

It helps a lot when they remember they can fly 3/4ths of the way down.

However, his plans to relax watching some nice  _ Mass Effect _ gameplay on YouTube was thoroughly ruined by a notification on his computer. With a grunt, he checked the new Pesterchum window that opened up.

“Oh for fuck’s sake…” He stared at the window for several seconds with his mouse hovering over the close button. He debated on just ending this conversation here and now, seeing as he was not in the mood to put up with one of  _ these _ assholes…

Then again, talks with them were always at least somewhat entertaining. When they weren’t threatening to cause trouble at least. He decided he’d answer this one.

**\--** **adiosToreador [AT]** **began trolling** **romanceMaster [RM]** **\--**

**AT: sO,**

**AT: i GUESS THIS IS IT,**

**AT: tODAY IS FINALLY THE DAY THAT YOU UH,,,,**

**AT: fUCK EVERYTHING UP,, aS IT WERE,**

**RM: yep**

**AT: aND UH,**

**AT: tHERE’S NOTHING I CAN DO TO CHANGE YOUR MIND, iS THERE,,**

**RM: nope**

**AT: i SEE,**

**AT: i LIKE TO THINK THAT IF i WAS,,,**

**AT: mORE BRAVE AND UH,**

**AT: aND CHARISMATIC,**

**AT: tHAT i WOULD BE ABLE TO SWAY YOUR CHOICE WITH SOME,,**

**AT: wISE WORDS OR A CUNNING SPEECH,,,**

**AT: aND THAT DOING SO WOULD SAVE US FROM THE TERRIBLE THING THAT YOU ARE GOING TO DO,**

**RM: cool**

**RM: what exactly am i going to do**

**AT: tHAT’S A GOOD QUESTION,**

**AT: aND THE ANSWER IS EQUALLY GOOD i ASSURE YOU,**

**RM: so?**

**AT: i, uH,**

**AT: dON’T KNOW YET,**

**RM: wow**

**RM: youre right im totally sorry for whatever im going to do**

**RM: ill stop right now**

**AT: dESPITE YOUR WORDS, i GET THE FEELING THAT YOURE, uH, nOT REALLY SINCERE ABOUT THAT,**

**RM: no i totally am**

**RM: im feeling pretty fucking apologetic all of a sudden**

**RM: gotta write an apology letter and everything**

**RM: tell me your address i gotta send it man**

**RM: this is fucking top priority shit**

**RM: the guy at the post office is gonna take one look at this and think “fuck”**

**RM: “i gotta get this outta here asap”**

**RM: he'll slam on the gas and fly outta this world**

**RM: beep beep motherfuckers i gotta meet an alien**

**AT: aRE,,,, uH, yOU DONE,**

**RM: sure**

**AT: oKAY, WELL,,,**

**AT: fIRST,**

**AT: i AM, uH, sTILL NOT CONVINCED THAT THIS IS AN ACTUAL THING,**

**AT: tHAT YOU COULD ATTEMPT TO OR EVEN WOULD WANT TO DO,,**

**AT: aND SECOND,**

**AT: mY REASON FOR NOT KNOWING,**

**AT: iS LESS BECAUSE OF MY OWN INEPTITUDE AND MORE BECAUSE,**

**AT: i DON’T WANT TO KNOW**

**RM: that makes no sense at all**

**AT: aCTUALLY, iT DOES,**

**AT: bECAUSE,**

**AT: wHEN YOU KNOW ABOUT BAD THINGS, yOU GET SCARED**

**AT: aND WHEN YOU’RE SCARED, yOU FIND IT HARDER TO BE CONFIDENT,,,**

**AT: sO, iN AN EFFORT TO, uH, rEMAIN MORE CONFIDENT,**

**AT: i DECIDED TO IGNORE BAD THINGS,,**

**RM: that is fucking stupid**

**AT: nO IT ISN’T,**

**RM: yes it is**

**AT: nO,**

**RM: yes**

**AT: nO,**

**RM: yes**

**AT: nO,**

**RM: yes**

**AT: lET’S NOT DO THIS,**

**AT: tHAT’S UH,**

**AT: hER THING AND SINCE i RESPECT HER AS A FRIEND,**

**AT: aND SINCE i DON’T SEE YOU IN UH,,,, tHAT WAY,**

**AT: i’M GOING TO STOP THAT HERE AND SAY,**

**AT: tHAT IT TOTALLY AND DEFINITELY IS NOT STUPID AT ALL,,,,,,,,**

**AT: aND THAT i STILL THINK WHAT YOU’RE DOING IS A BAD IDEA,**

**RM: cool**

**RM: why couldnt i get an awesome alien guide**

**RM: like ehm got a rad as fuck leetspeak one**

**RM: wheres my blue leetspeak alien babe**

**RM: this is unfair**

**AT: yES WELL,,**

**AT: i WISH i HAD GOTTEN SOMEONE LESS,,**

**AT: rUDE,**

**AT: bUT EVERYONE ELSE IS TAKEN,,**

**RM: wait backup**

**RM: how is everyone taken**

**RM: are you guys all just picking humans you like or w/e**

**AT: uHHHH,,**

**AT: yES, aCTUALLY, wE ARE,,,**

**RM: fucking shit**

**RM: how many of you are there**

**AT: aBOUT,,, tWELVE,**

**RM: twelve**

**RM: there are twelve supernatural possibly badass aliens out there watching us**

**RM: and i got saddled with this one**

**RM: what the hell**

**AT: hEY,,,,, i AM BADASS,,**

**RM: really**

**AT: yES,,, aND i CAN PROVE IT,**

**RM: how**

**AT: bY WAKING YOU UP,**

**RM: uh huh**

**RM: well im just going to go now. see ya**

Carter closed out the chat window and turned off his monitor, shaking his head with disappointment. That guy had been bothering him for a little over a year now, constantly pestering him with his bad trolling attempts both as Carter was sleeping and waking. It was pretty annoying, but Carter paid it no mind. After all, he was just a harmless internet troll.

Right as Carter told himself this, he felt a slight pressure fall on his chest. A moment later, a deafening  _ BORK!  _ rang through his ears. Instantly, his dream self collapsed, falling once more into a deep sleep…

Back on Earth, Carter’s waking self sat up suddenly, just in time to find a chihuahua sitting on his chest, staring at him expectantly.

“Bork!” The dog borked, giving Carter’s face a sloppy lick as it borked once more. It liked borking.

“Calm down, Hannah, sheesh.” Carter began to pet the dog, wiping Hannah’s slobber from his face with his blanket.

_ Okay, that was eerie, _ Carter noted.  _ Still. That doesn’t mean he was the one who woke me up. _

At that moment, Carter’s phone beeped urgently. Scooting Hannah over as he sat up and grabbed his phone, his face instantly fell upon seeing the message.

**AT: sO,, hOW DID i DO,,**

**AT: aLSO, yOU,, uH, hAVE A NICE BARKBEAST**

“Fuck.”

\----------

**GC: OK4Y SO 1 B3L13V3 YOU 4R3 R34DY**

**GC: TH3R3 W3R3 4 F3W BUMPS BUT OTH3R TH4N TH4T 1 TH1NK TH1NGS W3NT F1N3**

**GC: BY TH3 W4Y 4R3 YOU F1N1SH3D W1TH TH4T 4RT1F4CT Y3T**

**GC: C4US3 1F YOU DONT F1N1SH SOON TH3N YOUR3 D34D**

**GC: 4ND 4S MUCH 4S 1D L1K3 TO S33 YOU P3R1SH 4ND W4TCH YOUR D3L1C1OUS R3D BLOOD SP1LL 4CROSS TH3 FLOOR**

**GC: 4 M3T3OR 1S 4 PR3TTY L4M3 W4Y TO D13**

**GC: SO HURRY UP**

**AC: im trying!!!!**

**AC: this is actually harder than it looks**

**GC: UH HUH**

**GC: K4N4Y4 COULD DO TH1S W1TH H3R 3Y3S CLOS3D**

**GC: 4ND B3L13V3 M3**

**GC: S3W1NG W1TH YOUR 3Y3S CLOS3D 1S V3RY D1FF1CULT**

**AC: wait i almost have it**

**AC: okay i think i got it**

**AC: am i supposed to put them on or something**

**GC: HOW SHOULD 1 KNOW**

**GC: BUT YOU SHOULD PROB4BLY L34VE THOS3 4LONE UNT1L YOU PROTOTYP3 YOUR K3RN4LSPR1T3**

**GC: SP34K1NG OF WH1CH YOU SHOULD PROB4BLY CH3CK YOUR FLOW3R NOW**

**AC: good point**

**AC: brb**

**GC: HURRY UP**

Ehm pushed her phone back into her pocket, taking a moment to examine the fruits of her labor. Laying before her, on top of the alchemizer, was a needle, thread, pencil, a fair deal of fabric, and a single pair of gloves. Each of these items were glowing a bright violet, enough that they were very noticeable but not so bad that they hurt Ehm’s eyes. It was nice, and the gloves were quite fashionable if Ehm did say so herself.

But now wasn’t the time for admiring handicrafts. According to the dangerous alien lady, she was in mortal danger, and she was pretty inclined to believe her, seeing as the already hot Californian air had just skyrocketed from merely smoldering to only searing.

With that in mind, Ehm got up and released her sylladex. The flower bed sprung to life right before her, with most of the flowers blooming still the same way she left them, except for a sole flower to the far right. Within the past few minutes, this flower seemed to have reached its peak. The petals were just about to pull apart. Any second now, they would reveal the mysterious item being held within. This fabled object, made from myth and tale, likely to solve everyone’s problems within a moment’s notice, was mere seconds away from making its presence known.

Ehm watched with baited breath as the petals began to peel apart, steadily unraveling themselves as their mythical contents was revealed to be none other than…

A plush asshole? 

To be specific, it was a plush doll of a person who just happened to be an asshole. More colloquially, his name was Jones. The doll was something Ehm dreamt of while she was asleep. In the clouds, she saw an image of herself using her craft to bring Jones to life. So, as soon as she woke up, she put forth effort into making it happen.

And it was a success! The plush Jones was as accurate as she could get. From his dark periwinkle eyes to his very “emo” hair (that is to say, short in the back with long, swooping bangs in the front. He was the picture boy for MCR’s target audience). His “clothes” kept this image going, with a simple pair of jeans, a black jacket, and a white t-shirt underneath. If you listened hard enough, you could almost hear him ranting about how his parents didn’t understand him and how “the man” is ruining society.

Ehm felt pretty proud of her handiwork. It was almost a shame she had to get rid of it, but she knew she was getting something much better in return.

For reference, Ehm’s standards of ‘better’ are somewhat different than everyone else’s.

She turned around, eyeing the kernelsprite that was hovering in front of a window. She couldn’t quite tell, but it looked like the kernelsprite was staring outside, as if it was admiring the wonderful scenery of Ehm’s yard. 

_ At least it’s not causing trouble _ , Ehm thought. After she released the kernelsprite on her alien buddy’s command, the thing began causing a huge ruckus. It was darting across the room in a purple blur, moving this way and that. Ehm was constantly having to chase it around, trying to shoo it into less crowded areas or moving objects before it could prototype itself with them. Thankfully, after a while it seemed to get distracted by the coming meteor. Maybe it was aware that it was about to die, and wanted to spend its last moments in a mournful silence. 

Cheery, huh?

But now Ehm had the upper hand, seeing as it was now distracted looking out her window...Maybe. It didn’t actually have any eyes. Just a ton of flashing white symbols within its floating orb of a body. For all Ehm knew it was eerily staring at her. But she pushed that thought aside as she crept toward it, lifting the doll slowly as she prayed that her general lack of athletic ability wouldn’t get her killed. And then she threw it.

The doll met its mark exactly. The plush Jones flew through the air with the grace with an intoxicated pelican, a sight that would bring tears to the eyes of many people who know of Jones. The kernelsprite seemed to be particularly excited regarding the offering and darted off to meet Jones halfway. And then, one flash of light later, Ehm found herself staring at what she considered to be the greatest miracle of her lifetime.

The plush asshole was now a magical flesh-and-blood asshole. He floated majestically off the ground, looking like an actual person except for the literally magical glow of his skin. Other than that, his appearance mirrored that of the doll perfectly. Uneven hair, dark blue eyes, tanned skin; he looked like if a surfer gave up his lifestyle to find himself at a Nirvana concert. 

Jonesprite crossed his arms over his chest, scrutinizing Ehm with a look that bordered on disgust. Or maybe it was curiosity? He kinda always looked pissed, no matter his actual emotion.

“Took you long enough,” Jonesprite said curtly. “You gonna get us out of here or what?”

“Huh? Oh, uh, yeah.” Ehm rushed over to the alchemiter, quickly shoving the gloves onto her hands. “Sorry, I just got distracted. I’ve been looking forward to this for a long time and I have so much I wanna talk about with you and God, I hope this isn’t too annoying but-”

The moment the gloves were snugly fit onto Ehm’s hands, they began to emit a bright light. This light enveloped Ehm’s entire house, just like what happened with Cody’s. One minute Ehm’s home was safely tucked away in the blistering Californian heat, and the next there was nothing but a large crater where her house used to be. 

Ehm wasn’t really paying attention to all that though. “-I just have really been wanting to see what you have to say and what you think about things like fluffy dogs and  _ Kingdom Hearts  _ and Addison and me and oh my god everything else-”

Jones rolled his eyes, deciding to cut off Ehm’s ramblings with a flick of the wrist. Her vision went black and her body felt like it was freefalling. A second later, she was steady again and her vision returned to her. Now, she was standing just outside her house, which had now found residence at the top of a mountain.

...Wait, what?

Indeed, just as Cody’s house was situated on an island in the middle of an ink ocean (great real estate choice, naturally), Ehm’s was in an equally odd position. It stood on the peak of a great mountain, one which overlooked what seemed to be thousands of miles’ worth of forest. Not much stood out from what she saw, aside from another mountainous figure far in the distance. It was smaller than Ehm’s, but otherwise looked pretty mundane.

“Wh- Where are we?” Ehm looked to Jonesprite, who seemed to be taking this all rather well. “Did you do this?!”

“Yes and no,” Jonesprite said. “I used my powers to teleport us outside your house because you were taking a while with the talking. But those gloves moved your house to this world.”

“The gloves…?” Ehm looked down at her hands, where the gloves she made still fit on her. However, the fabric was no longer glowing, nor did it give off any sort of magical aura or whatever. It seemed that they had become normal gloves. “So that whole cruxite thing worked?”

“If it hadn’t worked, you wouldn’t be alive,” Jonesprite said with a snort. “You did okay, I guess. I could’ve done better though.” Somehow, Jonesprite’s general dickish nature didn’t seem to bother Ehm. She’d been expecting it, and somehow she seemed to enjoy his company despite- No,  _ because _ of it. 

Ehm was a weird girl. But her friends still love her, quirks and all.

“Alright, cool. So what is this place? The Land of Ink or whatever, right?” Ehm took a quick glance over the edge of the mountain before scrambling back.  _ There is no way in Nick’s furry hell that I’m climbing down there. Maybe I can build a ladder… _

__ Jonesprite shook his head. “No, Cody’s on the Land of Ink and Stars. That’s his world. This world is yours. It’s called the Land of Flora and Frogs.”

“There are frogs here? Where are they?” Ehm looked around, as if the prophesied frogs were going to hop out and defend her from the horrors of this mysterious mountain.

“That’s the point,” Jonesprite said. “As the Page of Space, you have to find them. It’s your quest.”

“Oh…” Ehm tried not to look too disappointed at depressing lack of frogs.  _ I guess I have them to look forward to, at least.  _ “Why do I have to find them? Are they gonna be my friends?”

Jonesprite massaged the bridge of his nose. “Hell, this is gonna be harder than I thought…” He looked up at Ehm. “I’ll explain about the frogs later. First we have to make sure nothing kills you, and get you through your first gate.” He pointed towards the sky above Ehm’s house, and Ehm followed his gaze. Floating high above the building was a glowing purple spirographic symbol. Far above that, another symbol appeared. And above that another, and another, and so on, until there were seven of them. Each of them symbols looked the same, and were lined up in a perfect vertical line, with spaces between them ranging from dozens of feet to hundreds. The closest one to Ehm was a few stories taller than her home.

“The gates lead you through different ‘levels’, I guess,” Jonesprite explained. “See that one closest to the us? It leads off this mountain, into that forest down there-”

“Oh thank God.”

“-While the next five lead to your friends’ houses and planets.”

Ehm furrowed her eyebrows, counting the gates under her breath. “That’s only six though. What about everyone else? And that seventh one?”

Jonesprite shrugged. “It’s confusing, I don’t want you hurting your head thinking about it. Needless to say, you’ll need to use the gates on some of your friends’ lands to get to the lands of the friends you can’t get to from here.”

“Okay…” She tried to ignore the tongue-in-cheek comment and move on. “What about the seventh gate?”

Jonesprite’s expression darkened some. “That leads to the lair of your denizen, Antheia. She’s like the final boss of your land, I guess.” He looked Ehm straight in the eye, no longer looking annoyed, but rather serious. “You can’t go through that gate. It’s too dangerous for you.”

Ehm nodded. “Okay, I can do that. Really I'd just rather put flower crowns on frogs or something.”

“Good.” Jonesprites’ tone was deep and commanding. “You are  _ never _ allowed in there. It would be too dangerous for you. If somebody has to go in there, I’ll do it. But you’re not stepping foot in there.”

Some part of Ehm felt angered by this comment. How dare Jones, a character that she brought to life, tell her what to do? She may not be as tough as Mason or Nick, but she could take care of herself! 

The other part felt scared, however. Jonesprite was taking this very seriously. Aside from showing just how much he secretly cared about her (a fact she’d be sure to throw in his face later), it proved to her just how dangerous this Antheia was. Ehm wondered briefly if her friends had denizens of their own…

“Okay,” Ehm agreed hesitantly. “I won’t do it.” She cast a final look towards the seventh gate, still trying to figure out exactly what was there. “So...What do I do now?”

“Now we wait.” Jonesprite said. “Cody needs to build up your house so that you can reach the gate. Once that happens, your quest truly begins.” 

“Okay...And what do we do until then?”

Jonesprite opened his mouth to speak, but was quickly interrupted by Ehm’s front door slamming open. “Ehmma! What’s going on?!”

“We deal with that.”

\----------

The great thing about friends is that they’re always there when you need them. My friends, for instance, have a great way of being there for me when I need help. Can’t figure out what to write? They’ll hand me a prompt. Don’t know what to eat for lunch? They’ll offer helpful suggestions. Dealing with a mild existential crisis? They’ll assure me that reality isn’t a figment of my sleeping subconscious.

But the moment I barely manage to fight off some weird unicorn-gremlin hybrid, suddenly they’re all vague comments and disappearances? Talk about fair weather friends. 

I was just about to throw my phone back into my sylladex when it beeped again. Because apparently one cryptic conversation wasn’t enough, I had to have two.

Joy of joys.

**\--** **caligulasAquarium [CA]** **began trolling** **courtlyMusings [CM]** **\--**

**CA: wwell i gotta admit**

**CA: this is kinda underwwhelmin**

**CA: i mean no offense this is still somethin**

**CA: beatin an imp with a recupracoon block or wwhatevver the fuck that wwas**

**CA: but i dunno i guess i was expectin somethin more from the human that shares my aspect**

**CM: :? Uh...I’m sorry? I’m not quite sure who this is.**

**CM: Is this Nick? Cause if it is, I’d rather not go through some elaborate roleplay atm. I kinda almost died.**

**CA: nah this isnt that wwitch**

**CA: hes probably off trying to build up your hivve or whatevver the fuck he does wwhen hes not makin shitty computer games**

**CM: One: I’m fairly sure if anybody’s the witch here, it’s me. I mean, really. Magic’s kinda my thing if no one else’s.**

**CM: Two: Nick’s computer games are really cool. So shut your mouth.**

**CM: Three: If this is Nick, disregard the above.**

**CM: Four: Is there a point to you messaging me? Like I said, I'm pretty busy.**

**CA: wwell i mean yeah i guess youre right about the magic part**

**CA: but youre the seer no doubt about that**

**CA: you got that seer thing goin around you**

**CM: Seer thing? :?**

**CA: yeah**

**CA: its really fuckin weird cause youre nothin alike**

**CA: but i can see the similarities**

**CA: both a you are connivving troublemakers that keep stickin your cartilaginous nubs into other peoples business like its nothin**

**CA: an for some fucking reason it works an nobody can tell wwhy**

**CM: I...guess I'll take that as a compliment? I suppose?**

**CM: I honestly can't tell if you're trying to be nice to me or insult me.**

**CM: Also, who are you even comparing me to? Please, I just want answers that aren't incredibly cryptic and useless.**

**CA: oh trust me im not insultin you**

**CA: im not that loww**

**CA: anymore**

**CM: Thanks????**

**CA: as for answwers then yeah i guess you do deservve that dont you**

**CA: basically my group of players have a seer of our owwn an shes completely fucking insane**

**CA: or she wwas i guess**

**CA: shes been pretty tame lately for some reason**

**CA: probably wwhats his faces doing**

**CM: :? What's his face?**

**CA: yeah you knoww**

**CA: that asshole with red text**

**CA: captor or wwhatevver**

**CM: You mean Carter???**

**CA: yeah him**

**CA: fuck i cant believe GC spends so much time with him**

**CA: i guess her type is insufferable pricks**

**CM: Rude. Carter's actually a pretty nice guy.**

**CM: Also, could you please not insult my friends? I'd be very grateful.**

**CA: sorry i forgot**

**CA: honestly i dont have anything against the guy**

**CA: not that the feelins mutual**

**CA: but this is all gettin off topic**

**CA: point is wwe have a seer and she reminds me of you in this really fucked up roundabout wway**

**CM: Alrighty then. So I'm going to skip over the skeptical comments and get straight to my point.**

**CM: You guys played Sburb?**

**CA: i guess you could say that yeah**

**CA: although our game was called sgrub**

**CA: theyre both fuckin stupid names if im honest but wwhatevver**

**CA: but yeah wwere kinda vveterans of this shit if you know wwhat i mean**

**CA: wwhich is wwhy im here**

**CA: im gonna help you out some**

**CM: Oh. That's. Really nice of you actually. But why? Are you friends with one of the others?**

**CA: technically im your friend right noww from my perspectivve**

**CA: but from your perspectivve you havvent met me yet**

**CA: or at least not the me that youll get to knoww**

**CM: That makes no sense at all.**

**CA: i know i think wwe can both agree that stable time loops are shit and so is this whole exchange**

**CA: this wwas definitely not my plan**

**CM: Then what was your plan?**

**CA: my plan wwas to do somethin badass and pop in and arm you with holy fire**

**CA: but this is just a mess**

**CA: wwell wwhatever it wworks i guess**

**CA: i actually havve somethin for you**

**CA: a wrigglin day present i guess**

**CM: :o Oh? I’m assuming by wriggling day you mean birthday? Well, I’m not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, so…**

**CA: perfect one second**

**CA: SH!7w4nD**

**CM: :?**

**CA: thats the code for the gift**

**CA: take it and wwreak holy wwrath on your enemies**

**CM: Oh! Wwell, alright then! ;) I'll do that now!**

**\--** **courtlyMusings [CM]** **ceased pestering** **caligulasAquarium [CA]** **\--**

**\--** **courtlyMusings [CM]** **began pestering** **caligulasAquarium [CA]** **\--**

**CM: Okay, never mind then.**

**CA: wwhat happened**

**CM: Turns out I don’t have anywhere near enough grist for this. :/ So our plans of ‘holy wwrath’ might have to be put on hold for a bit.**

**CA: seriously**

**CM: Mhmm.**

**CA: i keep forgettin that youre so loww level**

**CA: here take this**

**CM: …? Uh, take what?**

**CA: i just wwired some grist your wway. that should be enough for the gift**

**CM: Oh, thanks! How much did you give me exactly?**

**CA: eh i wwasnt too sure howw much the gift actually costed so i just sent over a ton an figured it wwould be enough**

**CA: i sent about 620,000 grist so you should be set**

**CM: :O That is really awesome! Thanks!**

**CM: Hm, now that I think of it, I don't know your name, do I?**

**CA: yeah you dont but no wworries**

**CA: just call me dualscar**

**CM: Dualscar is your name?**

**CA: its my flarp characters name actually but it wworks for noww**

**CA: youll know my real name after you meet my past self**

**CM: Alright then. That makes perfect sense. Well, thanks for the gift, Dualscar! I'll go alchemize it now.**

**\--** **courtlyMusings [CM]** **ceased pestering** **caligulasAquarium [CA]** **\--**

**\--** **courtlyMusings [CM]** **began pestering** **caligulasAquarium [CA]** **\--**

**CM: So, I just alchemized the gift and I’m. Very confused to say the least.**

**CM: Why exactly did you send me this? I mean, it cost like 13 grist (which is awesome in and of itself but still) but like. I’m not sure I could do any actual damage with this?**

**CM: I think punching imps or whatever you called them would be easier.**

**CA: im pretty sure you wwouldnt wwant to punch those things evven if you could**

**CM: “Even if I could”? I’m not that weak, you know.**

**CA: no i mean**

**CA: you actually cant**

**CA: you dont have the fistkind specibus do you**

**CM: Fistkind.**

**CA: yes**

**CM: That’s an actual thing that exists.**

**CA: mhm**

**CM: That is the most stupid thing I’ve ever heard of.**

**CA: i knoww**

**CM: So am I just supposed to like...Hit things with this wand? Cause I can assure you, that’s not gonna end well.**

**CM: I’m not exactly a fighter, Dualscar. You won’t see me riding any bodies down waterfalls or stabbing any eyes out.**

**CA: wwell obvviously i knoww that**

**CA: i wwasnt goin to give you a wweapon you cant use**

**CM: Then how do I use it aside from smacking things with it?**

**CA: you use magic**

**CM: ...Excuse me?**

**CA: you have to use the wwand for magic**

**CM: You mean that I have to cast spells, actual honest-to-goodness spells, with a plastic wand I could probably pick up at Wal-Mart.**

**CA: i havve no idea what a wwalmart is but sure**

**CM: You know, I was willing to give the whole “past and future self” thing a chance, but I think you may be stretching how much I can believe.**

**CM: For starters, shouldn’t a real wand be made out of wood? From like, sacred oaks or whatever?**

**CA: fuck that this was the same wwand that i started wwith**

**CA: my mentor taught me evverything i knoww wwith this piece of shit**

**CM: Really.**

**CA: yes and ill have you knoww that plastic has incredible magical properties**

**CM: You’re kidding.**

**CA: plastic can easily access the hidden ley lines and magical nexuses of the medium**

**CA: the emptiness of the wwand means it can HOLD that magic too**

**CA: its fuckin incredible**

**CM: That sounds...surprisingly logical for something that usually I’ve only read about in fantasy novels.**

**CA: thats wwhat most people dont get**

**CA: magic is just science that wwe can harness the powwer of**

**CA: or rather science is wwhat lets us harness magical powwer**

**CM: So magic and science are both intertwined in the way that magic follows scientific rules and that anybody smart enough can figure out a way to use it.**

**CA: oh god yes i am so fuckin glad you get it**

**CA: i try explainin this to kar and he just stops listenin halfway through**

**CA: like man i get it you dont care but dont you find this evven a little bit interestin**

**CA: plus now i fuckin got an edge on that fuckin angels**

**CM: Angels??**

**CA: yeah ill probably tell you about them later**

**CA: but for now im fairly sure i gotta go before i fuck up your timeline more than i already did**

**CM: Timeline…?**

**CA: yeah**

**CM: Hm. Well, see ya, Dualscar. It was nice talking to you!**

**CA: likewwise**

**CA: and wwhen you talk to me later dont seem surprised if i act different**

**CM: How so?**

**CA: its a long story but basically i wwont knoww you and ill probably act a bit like a douche**

**CA: so it probably wwould be best to expect the wworse**

**CA: actually just dont mention anything about this exchange at all and wwell be good**

**CA: noww i gotta go an angel just broke into my hivve and that wwitch is trying to message you so good luck**

**\--** **caligulasAquarium [CA]** **ceased trolling** **courtlyMusings [CM]** **\--**

**CM: :/**

**\--** **veiledMemory [VM]** **began pestering** **courtlyMusings [CM]** **\--**

**CM: If you don’t explain things in any less than whole and complete answers, I’ll shove this stupid wand so far inside you that you’ll be coughing up magic tricks for a week.**

**VM: Well the stores are up and the sun is bright. Holy light is blazing across the horizon and the dog park is closed. The skystone has plummeted towards the earth just as the Seer summoned his incredible stick of power.**

**CM: You’re just begging for this, aren’t you?**

**VM: What can I say, I’m a masochist.**

**CM: Yeah and I’m an optimist, so I’d rather not go through that whole brouhaha.**

**CM: Anyways, what’s up?**

**VM: Well for one thing, you suddenly got a shit ton of grist out of nowhere. What the fuck did you do.**

**CM: I made a friend, but he’s not a friend yet but could be one in the future and has requested that I never speak to him about what transpired cause he’s kinda a jerk in my future/his past and he gave me a wand which honestly, I could probably live without and he gave me a ton of grist to pay for it. Also his name is Dualscar but that’s not his real name, it’s the name of his roleplay character and he speaks in a really “wwavvey and wweird wway”.**

**CM: Does that answer your question?**

**VM: I was gone for a few minutes.**

**VM: What the fuck.**

**CM: I believe any semblance of order or coherency has officially left the building. It took a bus to the train station and bought a one-way ticket to “What The hell”, U.S.A.**

**CM: It sent us a postcard too. Real pretty, even has a stamp from the city of What Even, Kansas.**

**VM: I hear that’s very uncommon.**

**CM: It is. It’s rarity is second only to those from No Idea, Michigan, or “Where The Fuck”, Ohio.**

**VM: I once got a letter from Why The Shit, France. I keep it framed on my wall.**

**CM: We should ask Carter if he’s ever been there. It sounds fantastic.**

**VM: Indeed, indeed.**

**VM: But in all seriousness, are you alright? You seem...bothered.**

**CM: I admit, I am rather frazzled, but it’s nothing major. Things are just getting pretty confusing and it’s somewhat irritating.**

**VM: Alright. But just so you know, we’re all here if you need help.**

**CM: It’s fine. I just need to let loose slightly sarcastic comments that border on aggressive every once in a while, then I’m fine.**

**CM: I’m like a tea kettle or something. I start screaming and then I’m alright again.**

**VM: What the fuck kind of tea kettle do you use.**

**CM: :/ I use a perfectly normal tea kettle that’s really nice and cool. Don’t judge either of us.**

**VM: I’m judging.**

**CM: I’m judging back.**

**VM: I’m judging even more.**

**CM: I’m judging the most. Wanna know why?**

**VM: I swear to god if you say what I think you’re gonna say, I’m done.**

**CM: ;) No need to get worked up, Nick. It’s nothing purrsonal.**

**VM: Fuck you and fuck your shitty wand.**

**CM: :P Touché, my orange-text friend.**

**VM: Where did the furry jokes even come from.**

**CM: You know, that’s a really good question, but I think the answer lies in one simple thing.**

**VM: What?**

**CM: You hate it and we’re all horrible people.**

**VM: I hate you all.**

**CM: <3 If it means anything, I’m probably the closest person in our group to being a furry. I mean, I brought two ponies to life and fused them together as my spirit guide or whatever. By all rights, I put you to shame.**

**CM: Gotta step up your fur-game, Nick.**

**VM: Fuck that, I’m not doing that.**

**VM: Besides, my sprite’s gonna be something incredibly intelligent and wise.**

**CM: Uh-huh. My sprite is wise! She’s an immortal princess of friendship, plus a savvy business mare who is incredible at both fashion and magic.**

**VM: Please never utter those words to me again.**

**CM: Nick, you can’t judge somepony by their species.**

**VM: Augghh.**

**CM: :P Anyways. I’d suggest you prototype something sentient, or something that’s sentient-like. It’ll take on the personality of that thing while it helps, so...Try not to make a bad choice.**

**VM: Don’t worry. I’m coming up with an idea already.**

**CM: Why do your words fill my soul with dread...What is it?**

**VM: I’ll tell you later, cause it looks like you have company.**

**CM: Oh gods. Please tell me it’s not an imp.**

**VM: …**

**CM: Ugh, great. Where is it? My room? Parent’s room?**

**VM: It’s outside actually. You could probably ignore it if you wanted.**

**CM: Hm, maybe. But then again, I need all the experience I can get. Plus I might as well test out this dumb wand.**

**CM: Who knows, maybe it’s actually magic and Dualscar isn’t trying to send me to an early grave.**

**VM: Let’s hope. Good luck, man.**

**CM: Thanks, Nick. You too.**

**\--** **courtlyMusings [CM]** **ceased pestering** **veiledMemory [VM]** **\--**

I captchalogued my phone, picking up my newly-made wand from the alchemiter with some uncertainty. It looked like a magician’s wand you’d buy with a costume. About twelve inches of hollow black plastic tipped off by cheap white caps. I was pretty sure if I used enough force, I could accidentally snap it in half.

Still, it was better than nothing I suppose. At the very least, I wouldn't be empty handed as I fought the imp, and who knows, maybe it's allergic to cheap plastic. 

With that in mind, I walked through my front door. I was fully prepared to swiftly end the monster before it realized I was here, but I was a little late. The moment I stepped out the door, I felt something small and angry slam into my body, pushing me to the ground.

Now by that description, one might think I was talking about Cloud. Alas, I was not. Rather, standing hovering above me was another imp. Unlike the last one, this one didn’t have unicorn features. Instead it had a head full of sweeping black hair, short in the rear with long bangs over the forehead. It was like a reverse mullet in a way. “Murder in the front, saving money on haircuts in the back.” That aside, it wore a simple leather jacket to hide its torso. It was like some kind of weird monstrous greaser. 

The creature snarled at me, opening its mouth to reveal several rows of pointed teeth. It’s tongue was forked, because apparently cliches are all the rage among imps these days. If I wasn’t worried for the third time today that I might be inches from death, I probably would’ve lectured it on bad presentation. 

Instead I decided to do what I do best: Bluff my way out of trouble. I mean, it works on essays for school, and if I can trick the American education system I can totally beat this thing.

I raised my wand between the imp’s face and my own. “Move and I blast us both to pieces,” I said, steeling my tone. “I’m warning you. I know how to use this.”

The imp frowned, tilting its head in confusion. It apparently was amazed by the fact that I’d even dare threatening it with the wand equivalent of  _ No Man’s Sky _ . I also guess that this confirms that imps are sapient? I briefly wondered if they could talk.

I didn’t choose to ask it, though. Instead, I used the imp’s momentary confusion to get the upperhand. I swiftly jabbed the tip of the wand into the imp’s throat, eliciting a pained cry before pushing it off me. 

I jumped to my feet, pointing the wand at the imp. “Told you I knew how to use this...sort of.”

The imp roared in response. It spread its arms wide, the air shimmering around it as its hands caught fire. The flames spread to the rest of its body, consuming the jacket and hair without damaging either.

“Now that’s not fair!” I took a step back, still aiming my wand at the imp. “How about you just cool off and we discuss this over a nice cup of tea?”

My mind was racing as I spoke. I was trying to come up with some kind of solution, but I was coming up blank. My options included charging at the imp (a bad idea), waiting until the imp charged at me (another bad idea), running inside and locking the door behind me (slightly less bad idea), and coming up with some kind of miracle. Sadly, judging from the imp I met before, I doubt speed would be on my side if I tried making a run for my house.

That meant coming up with a miracle and quickly.

I took a few more steps back, my eyes focused on the imp. I could hear the waves around me, sliding over the shoreline only a few feet from where I stood. It took only a moment for an idea to come to me.  _ Maybe if I can taunt it into charging at me, I can make it fall into the water. _

The plan wasn’t the best, but I didn’t have much to lose by trying to out. 

“Hey impy!” I flashed a grin as I spread my arms wide, readying myself to move. “What’s the hold up? I thought I’d be Cody-ka-bob right now.” I looked down at my torso, tapping it gently as if trying to spot any wounds I’d missed. “Hmm, nope. I’m pretty alive, if I must say so myself. You’re really bad at this, aren’t you?”

The monster gnashed its teeth furiously before rushing towards me. I could feel the heat of its flames radiate from its body. It was like standing too close to a campfire, except the campfire had legs and a desire to make smores out of you. 

Once I was sure it was closer to me than I’d like, I sidestepped out of the way, turning to watch as the imp fell into the water, covering its body in a thick ink substance that would put out its flames and spell victory for me!

...Except that didn’t happen. As it turns out, imps have really good breaks. The creature was able to come to a halt just short of the shoreline, turning back to me with a glare that somehow made it seem even more furious.

Now I had to weigh my options again, and it wasn’t looking pretty. The imp was getting ready for another attack, its flames slowly shifting from the traditional redish-orange to a faint purple. Grass around it began wilting, while those closest to its feet began catching fire. I knew that I had no choice right now other than going on the defensive. Yet I also knew that I had no way of keeping myself safe, and running would do me no good.

_ So...Why not go on the offensive? _

It seemed like a wild idea, but I couldn’t help but recall what Dualscar told me, about the magical properties of plastic. Maybe, just maybe, he wasn’t bluffing. If I could perhaps learn to tap into the magic that Dualscar mentioned, I might be able to stand a chance…

I raised my wand just as the imp charged at me. I imagined the ley lines that I’ve read about in books, the mystical energy moving through the world like air. I imagined it being siphoned into my wand, using it as a power source. I focused on power coursing all around me, being caught in my palm and forced outward at my command.

An instant later, my wand reacted. I felt the air around me buzz with what felt like electricity. A wispy gray light curled off my wand and into the air. I could feel the power- the magic- flow around my body. The imp dashed forward, burning claws raised as it attempted to kill me. 

I pushed the wand forward, releasing all the magic inside. The gray wisps gave way to a blast of blinding white light just as the imp was three feet away from me. It came out as a small burst, a mini explosion of energy right as the imp was about to tear me in half. 

The creature went flying. It slammed into the water just off the shoreline, extinguishing its flames as it struggled to recover from my attack.

I blinked away the lights in my eyes, staring at the wand in shock. Smoke drifted upward from its tip, and the whole wand was slightly warm. A short distance away, the imp stood up, trying to shake the ink off its body.

“I can’t believe that worked,” I whispered. “That Dualscar guy was actually right.” My voice was getting progressively louder and faster as I spoke. “The wand is magic. Magic is real...” I grinned like a student who just learned that Christmas break was closer than they expected. “I can actually perform magic!”

I smirked and strolled up to the imp, who was busy trying to shake a rainbow of colors from its body. “Hey impy! Think fast.” I touched the wand to its face without giving it a chance to react. Without hesitation, I recalled how I managed to summon the last burst of magic. I allowed myself to be consumed by the feeling of the magic around me briefly before channeling it through my wand.

It got the same effect. A blast of energy straight to the imp’s face, causing me to stagger backwards some. “Whew...I guess it has a kick to it.” I rubbed the light from my eyes. When I opened them again, the imp was gone, leaving behind a few pieces of grist in its place.

“This is so awesome,” I said to myself as I collected the grist. “So, so awesome. I wonder what else I can do with the magic. Maybe I can teleport, or shoot lasers, or cast actual spells…”

I was practically squealing with delight as I walked back to my house, rolling my wand through my fingers as I imagined all the possible things I could do with my newfound magic.  _ I owe Dualscar an apology for being rude about the wand...And a ton of thanks. Maybe I should write something for him? _

“You know, darling, you really shouldn’t get too wrapped up in that wand of yours. That’s only the first step, after all.”

I looked up just in time to stop myself from crashing into Rarilightsprite, who was hovering in front of me with a smile on her face. 

I recoiled from the near-crash. “Wait, were you watching me fight that thing the whole time?”

Rarilightsprite nodded. “Yes, I was actually. I knew that you’d have the necessary ability and knowledge to pull off a spell like that. It was quite impressive, by the way, especially for a beginner.”

“Uh-huh.” I frowned. “So...What would you have done if I  _ couldn’t _ cast the spell in time?”

Rarilightsprite’s horn took on a lavender glow. “I likely would have teleported you to safety before blasting the imp into dust, although I had full confidence that I would not have needed to do so.”

I raised an eyebrow. “I’m not so sure about that, but thanks.” I held out my wand for her to see. “So...What do you mean that this is the ‘first step’?”

She took the wand in her magic aura, inspecting it thoroughly. “You see, Cody, now that you’ve figured out how to conjure the arcane forces for your own defense, I believe it’s about time that you take it a step further and begin your real training.” 

My eyes widened. “Are you saying that I’m going to learn actual magic? Like spells and stuff?”

“Precisely!” Rarilightsprite floated the wand back into my hands. “I will be your teacher, naturally, and I’ll show you everything I know, from transfiguration to levitation to sewing.” She grinned widely, her wings fluttering quickly at her sides. “Doesn’t that sounds simply marvelous, darling?”

“It really does,” I said. I waved the wand some, attempting to recreate the magic from before. It only took a second for my wand to light up. “So when does our first lesson start exactly?”

She rubbed her chin with a hoof wonderingly. “Well, judging by the fact that your friend Ehm likely just entered the game, it seems that you have plenty of time. We could start now,” she offered. 

“That sounds- Wait, Ehm what?!” My surprise was enough for me to accidentally release all of the magic I’d stored in my wand. This resulted in an explosion like before, except somewhat bigger. And, unfortunately for me, I wasn’t very prepared for the kick it came with.

The blast tossed me backward like a ragdoll. I felt my head slam into my home’s wall at full force, followed by my slumping over on the ground. The last thing I saw before I lost consciousness was Rarilightsprite hovering over me, looking concerned. 

“Oh dear, this going to be harder than I thought…”


	3. Of Crocs And Dreams And Stranger Things

**zombiesDirected [ZD]** ** responded to memo.**

**ZD: Hey guys let’s debate**

**cosmicReverie [CR]** ** responded to memo.**

**CR: what are we debating about**

**ZD: Dunno**

**ZD: Have you guys heard of that new movie that's gonna be coming out next year?**

**CR: no what**

**ZD: It’s called Split, it’s about a dude with multiple personalities**

**ZD: I hear it's gonna be good**

**CR: i have a bad feeling about this**

**CR: really bad actually**

**ZD: Pfft, naw. It’ll be fine**

**ZD: Let’s debate**

**CR: no lets not**

**CR: i feel like that will only make me cry for some reason**

**CR: can we debate something else**

**ZD: Sure**

**ZD: My kid's gonna call me sir**

**CR: that's not a debate**

**ZD: Really?**

**CR: yeah**

**CR: cause its not gonna happen**

**ZD: Naw**

**CR: our kid is not going to call you sir that's weird**

**ZD: Lmao it’s not weird it's respect**

**CR: listen here i will shove this nunchuck up your ass this isn't a debate**

**livelyConfectioner [LC]** ** responded to memo. **

**LC: kinky**

**ZD: Oh**

**CR: mhm**

**ZD: So you have nunchuckkind Grace?**

**CR: yeah**

**CR: its really cool you should try it**

**ZD: No thx I already have the superior specibus**

**LC: what is it mason-niichan**

**ZD: It's called kyskind and i’m using it on you candy**

**LC: =(**

**LC: what did i do to deserve this**

**ZD: It's bc you're trash**

**ZD: I bet you have weebkind too don't you**

**LC: …**

**LC: can we not talk about me ever thank you**

**ZD: Ha**

**ZD: Anyway I have pistolkind and bladekind**

**LC: greedy lil shit**

**CR: oh**

**CR: hey is your name aaron burr sir**

**ZD: That depends, who's asking?**

**CR: oh well sure sir**

**CR: my name is alexander hamilton im at your service sir**

**CR: i have been looking for you**

**ZD: That's lame shit**

**CR: sir!!**

**exhaustedReputation [ER] ** **responded to memo.**

**ER: Ew**

**LC: whos that**

**ER: It’s Nick. Sorry, I changed my name.**

**ZD: That's also weak shit**

**ER: Says you.**

**ZD: Yeah says me**

**ZD: I’m your overlord**

**ZD: Anyways since a few of you are here there's something I wanted to say**

**LC: omg hes gonna confess his feelings for Nick**

**ZD: why**

**LC: =)**

**ZD: Again, kys**

**ZD: Anyways I’m thinking we should speed things up a bit cause honestly I don’t think it’s too safe to wait for the others**

**ZD: Does everyone know how to use their games?**

**LC: i think i get it idk**

**LC: my client isnt connecting for some reason but my server is**

**LC: im starting to put the devices in cloud’s house**

**ER: Candy, do you know why your client isn’t responding?**

**LC: its responding but i don’t think its connecting to my server player**

**ER: Isn’t your server player Poke?**

**LC: yeah but he said he already installed his server disc**

**LC: so i dont know whats going on**

**ER: Hmm...Send me your game files, I’ll look at it.**

**LC: uh how do I do that**

**ER: I’ll PM you about it. Basically, I’m going to see if I can somehow trace what computer your game should connect to.**

**ER: We might have a mystery player we don't know about, and if so I'd like to talk to them.**

**LC: what if its just broken**

**ER: Then we'll get you a new one. I bet we can alchemize game discs.**

**LC: okay then i guess ill wait here**

**ER: Sure. Just play around in Cloud’s house for a while or some shit.**

**ZD: This is what you get Candy**

**LC: WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO**

**ZD: You left us**

**LC: FUCK OFF**

**zombiesDirected [ZD]** ** banned** ** livelyConfectioner [LC]**

**livelyConfectioner [LC]** **was unbanned by** ** zombiesDirected [ZD]**

**ZD: Anyways I expect everyone in the game soon**

**ZD: Message Cody (whenever he wakes up) or Nick if you have problems. I'm gonna be busy working with Grace for a bit so I may not be on.**

**ZD: See ya guys**

**zombiesDirected [ZD]** ** ceased responding to memo.**

**arachnidsGrip [AG]** ** responded to memo.**

**AG: Yeah, good luck guys. :::;)**

**arachnidsGrip [AG]** ** ceased responding to memo.**

**ER: What the hell is going on today?**

**\------------**

I woke up to find that I was dreaming.

I blinked my eyes open just in time to be blinded by sunlight. “Augh!” I used a hand to shield my face, sitting up with some annoyance. “Can’t you just leave me alone, sun? Last I checked, you’re supposed to do what _ I _ say in dreams.”

It seemed the sun wasn't taking requests, though, because it kept on shining as bright as ever. Actually it seemed to be glowing brighter now.

I sighed, shaking my head. “Fine, have it your way.” I blinked sleep from my eyes, and noted how sore my body felt. It was like I’d been sleeping for way more than just a few minutes. After a couple seconds of letting my eyes adjust to the light, I moved my hand. The moment I did so, I was hit by quite the surprising scene. Not as surprising as seeing my hometown get blown up by a meteor but fairly close.

I was sitting in my room. My  _ old _ room, in an old house that, for all intents and purposes, I should never have seen again. I hadn’t been here in over two years. Heck, I hadn’t even thought about the place for a while. The fact that I was dreaming about it right after losing one home...I couldn’t help but wonder if it was a sick joke on the part of my subconscious.

But I had always felt more at home here than almost anywhere else, so maybe it was a favor.

The room was simply decorated. A computer desk could be found in one corner, right next to a closet with a foldable door. Next to the desk was a large dresser that held on it a TV and a single game station. On the wall above me was a wooden shelf that had been nailed to the wall by an obvious amature. On it sat a plethora of toy plushies, mostly ponies.

...What? I’m sure that was a coincidence. 

I stepped off the bed and onto the floor. The bed itself was weird. It was the same shape as my old bed from this room — a normal twin-sized bed — but it looked less beat up and seemed to be of a much higher quality. The blanket was blue with swirls of gold that almost seemed to give off a faint glow. 

“Well this is new,” I said with less concern and more surprise. “Guess I should've expected a strange dream after the day I had though.”

If I was being fair, this dream wasn’t strange due to the setting. The setting was fairly normal; I’ve dreamed of coming back here a few times in the past. The odd part was how I felt, like I was more conscious than I ever had before in a dream. I felt more real. Despite that, my head felt a little foggy. It took effort to stay focused on a single thing, and I noticed that I didn’t really care about the circumstances surrounding my recent nap.

Rather, I was fascinated with how the dream was different from the real deal. The bell-shaped window took the place of where the door to our backyard would have been. Beside it, where an actual window should have taken up the space, was a large poster for...my characters? 

“‘ _ Beatrice Bellamy and the Time Loop Adventures’ _ ,” I read off the poster, “‘ _ Perhaps someday coming to a Google doc near you’ _ ?” References to my procrastination habits aside, that was an actual story that I’d planned to write at one point or another. It had yet to make a formal appearance on paper for plotting reasons, but it was still an idea that I was clutching onto. I had to admit, the poster looked pretty cool, showing a black-haired girl wielding a sword as she fought off monsters with her magic. I made a mental note to work on that story when I got a chance.

As I glanced around the room, I noticed similar things all around me. An small model of my character Akio stood next to the computer on the desk, while a plushie of my other character David could be found next to my TV. Posters were tossed all around my room, filling space that typically had been left blank, while each of them advertised one story or another that I’d been planning of late.

“Now  _ this _ is awesome,” I said with a grin. “Why can’t I have dreams like this more often? And I really like the new design!” Naturally, the changes wouldn’t just stop with new decorations. For the first time, I noticed that everything in the room had a faint, lilac tone, as if a purple shadow had fallen on everything in the room except for me. In addition, the walls had changed. Instead of the plain beige wallpaper I was used to, they were lilac-colored with white lines giving them flower-like designs. It was a little odd, but I had to admit it looked nice. 

“Now, if I'm right, my brothers’ rooms should be right...” I walked past the edge of my bed. The wall stopped just where the footboard did, allowing me to turn it to where I would’ve found the section of the room where my brothers’ would’ve slept.

Except all their stuff was gone. The general room was there, down to the wall that separated their area and mine, but everything in it was replaced by odd devices that I instantly recognized. The cruxite dowel, the alchemiter, the punch designix; they were all devices supposed to be deployed by Sburb. Yet here they were, in my dream bedroom. Weird, but convenient.

A moment later, my eyes soon moved to the walls of the room. In this area, there were no posters or decorations filling the space. Instead there crude paintings drawn everywhere. The paint was of various colors, most notably greens and blues, and seemed to pulse with light. The pictures weren’t very constant, showing everything from badly drawn ‘people’ to sketches of objects and even cities. Where there wasn’t art (a term I’d never use to describe my work), there were instead words. All in capital letters, the words were just as random as the drawings.  _ “ALLIES”, “ALIENS”, “BATTLEFIELD”, “CODIFIED”; _ I couldn't find any actual rhyme or reason to why they were written, but they definitely gave off a strange  _ Silent Hill _ -like vibe.

“Okay, that’s kinda weird,” I said. “I think I'm just gonna-” I turned to where the door was. Or should've been at least. Where the door was supposed to have been was a large bookshelf. I recognized most, if not all, of the titles there. Didn't help me find my way out, but it was nice that I was thought of.

I crossed my arms over my chest. “At least my dreams are getting creative,” I admitted. I turned around, only to have to shield my eyes again. “Ack. I wish I could get rid of that light...Wait, I’m dreaming right?” I put down my hand, squinting at the window. “I, uh, want some curtains to block the window.”

At my command, thick curtains appeared over the hole in the wall. They had the same design as my bed’s blanket, and almost reached the floor. “This is awesome,” I said as I walked over to the window. I grabbed the curtains and was surprised by just how real they felt. Not just that, but they were light enough that I could easily throw them back, yet thick enough to block most of the light coming into the room. With them closed, the room was more dimly lit, yet I could see well enough. 

I threw back the curtains, for a moment finding myself blinded by light for a few seconds before they adjusted. When I could see again, my jaw fell open.

“This is…” My words faded away as I spoke them. No word could accurately describe this place, but if I needed to describe it? Only one would do.

Heaven.

Miles below my room was a city made of gold. Seriously, honest-to-goodness gold. Every building, every tower, every wall was made up of shining oranges and yellows and browns that would've made El Dorado look dull. Marvelous landmarks dotted the cityscape, such as cathedrals and spires. I even swore I saw what looked suspiciously like the Great Wall of China somewhere in the distance.

And the wonders didn't stop there. Not far from here I could see a large bronze chain that connected wherever I was to a planet nearby. This planet looked to be a much larger version of this golden city, giving me the impression that I might’ve been on that planet’s moon.

The sights didn't end there. All I had to do was tilt my head up to find where that light was coming from. It wasn't a sun like I thought. Rather, it was a large blue-and-white celestial body. Clouds surrounded it, and in them I swore I could see images. I tried keeping track of them, but I could hardly understand what I was seeing. 

My room was, from my vantage point, sitting at the peak of a very tall, golden tower, one of five that I could see spread out across the moon. I felt absolutely certain that any attempt to climb down (or worse, jump) would result in my death.

_ Simple solution: I won’t climb. I’ll fly instead. _ It seemed like an absurd idea, but honestly it seemed like the best idea. This was a dream, after all, and I knew that in lucid dreams a person is likely able to do whatever it is they want. So, in theory, I could fly. It couldn’t be  _ that _ hard.

I willed myself to float off the ground. It’s hard to describe because doing so was part instinct. The moment I imagined myself taking control from gravity, I did so. It was like the power to fly was one that had been buried in my psyche, and all it took was the desire to do so.

Once I was off the ground, I directed myself out the window. I felt myself falter for a moment as I took in just how high up I was, but I steeled myself and powered through. I glanced around, looking for where I should go first. My eyes landed on a tower that was closer to mine than the others.

_ Why not _ , I decided.  _ Might be another dream room of mine. _ I flew over to the tower, taking some enjoyment in the feeling of soaring through the air. As much as I hate heights, flight itself is actually really cool. If it wasn’t likely to cause my imminent death, I’d recommend using it in all venues of life.

Eventually I reached the tower, which on the outside looked to be exactly the same as my own, and climbed through the bell-shaped window. Any idea that the room belonged to me faded the moment I stepped inside, however.

The room wasn’t too big. Compared to my double-bedroom, it was a little small actually. Assorted stuffed animals and cosplay memorabilia were scattered around the area, while a rather large bed laid off in one corner. Like in my room, this room seemed to be bathed in a colored light. Rather than a light purple, though, it was a faint blue that was lighting up the area. All in all, it was a rather nice place, although I preferred my tower better.

I probably would’ve left the tower to explore the rest of the moon, but then I noticed someone tucked underneath the blankets. It was a girl, and she looked oddly familiar. I mean, in hindsight it’s rather obvious. After all, only one person I know has purple hair.

“Ehm?” I leaned forward, poking the sleeping girl.  _ Why’s she here? Is this her room? _ I don’t know why I’d dream of Ehm’s bedroom, especially since I’ve never seen it before, or why she was here, but I figured there was no easier way to figure things out than to talk to Ehm herself.

“Ehm?” I pushed on her arm. “Ehm? Ehmma? Ehmily? Ehmeralda? Ehmmerson?” I pushed on her arm more, being a bit more aggressive in my waking attempts. “Ehhhhhhhhhhhhm, wake up, we gotta talk.” I rolled my eyes. “Wakey-wakey, we gotta talk about Jones or something.”

Oddly enough, not even that woke Ehm up. With a sigh, I jumped onto the bed, the tremors from doing so being enough to accidentally push Ehm’s sleeping body off of the bed and onto the floor with a _ thump _ .

“...Oops.”

Oh well. It’s not like that has any actual consequences anyways.

\------------

Back on the Land of Flora and Frogs, Ehm and Jonesprite were dealing with something of an issue.

“Ehmma! What’s going on?!” A girl marched out of Ehm’s house, her hazel eyes set on Jones and Ehm with a look of fierce determination. Her bobbed red hair was a mess, likely due to the difficulties in teleporting to the Medium. Despite being shorter than Ehm, she had a commanding presence on the area around her. 

Jonesprite flashed Ehm a unfrazzled look. “We deal with that,” Jones told her. He gestured toward the girl. “You want to explain before I throw her off a cliff?”

Ehm, whose verbal abilities plummeted upon being given an order by Jonesprite, mumbled something incomprehensible before stepping forward. “U-Um, hey Jade.” She gave the girl a weak wave.

Jade crossed her arms over her chest. “Ehmma, what happened? And why are we on a mountain? And why-” She pointed a finger at Jonesprite, “-Is Jones some kind of ghost thing?”

“Sprite,” Jonesprite corrected. “I’m a sprite. And no, not the forest kind. Call me that and I’ll incinerate you.”

__

__

__

__

Ehm quickly stepped between the two before springing into an explanation of all that just happened. She explained why Cody had trapped Jade into one of the bedrooms (“That dick.”), how Jones had become Ehm’s personal spirit guide (“Hey.” “Hey.”), and overall what had happened with the game (“That’s fucked up.” “I know, right?”).

By the time Ehm had wrapped everything up, Jade looked like she was in deep contemplation. “So you’re in a sentient game that wants to kill us and possibly the rest of humanity?”

“Yeah, pretty much.” 

“And Jones is your sidekick?”

_ “Guide,” Jonesprite said with a snarl. Ehm felt her heart flutter at the irritated tone of his voice. “And I’d prefer if we kept the talking to a minimum. We have a job to- Ehm!”  _

__

__

Without any warning, Ehm had collapsed onto the floor. The frightened voices of her sprite and friend faded away as she soon found herself once more in the world of dreams.

\------------

Ehm leapt up from the floor, a wild look in her eyes as I jumped back. 

“Uh, hey?” I gave a small wave. “Sorry for intruding. Should I, uh, leave?”

Ehm got up, dusting herself off. “What? No! Sorry, I just-” She paused, looking me up and down in amazement. “Wait, when did you wake up?”

“Don’t you mean ‘When did I go to sleep’?” I asked. “Last I checked, I’m still dreaming.”

“No, I mean when did you wake up in your tower?” 

I shrugged, making an  _ iffy _ motion with my hand. “Not really sure. It may have been a few seconds or a few minutes ago. I get distracted easily.” 

“Well at least you’re here now,” she said. She looked a little bothered, as if my being here for a while bothered her. “I’ve been waiting for you to wake up  _ forever _ .” She grabbed me by the hand and dragged me to her window. “I want to show you everything, it’s been so boring here.”

Just as Ehm began floating off her window sill, I pulled my arm from her grasp. “Uh, no offense Ehm, but I’m a bit lost here. Where are we going?”

Ehm frowned, then smacked her forehead lightly. “I forgot, you’re new here.” She stepped off of the window sill towards me, but she was still floating. “Well it’s kinda hard to explain, but we’re going to see the Queen.”

“The queen,” I repeated skeptically. “You mean the queen of England or something? Cause I have nothing against Elizabeth, but even for my mind that’s a bit random.”

Ehm looked like she wanted to smack my forehead now. “Oh my god. No, I mean the queen of Prospit.”

I gave her a blank stare.

“We’re on Prospit’s moon,” Ehm explained. “It's part of the game. It's like this...weird place you wake up on whenever you go to sleep. It's where the good guys are.”

I had to force myself not to mention that Ehm had something of an interest in bad guys, specifically ones that want us dead. “That actually explains a lot,” I mumbled. “Like how conscious I am.” I smirked, pointing a finger at Ehm. “Is, uh, that the reason for the princess dress?”

Ehm was wearing a bright golden dress that reached down to her feet. It had white stripes that went across the waist and down the sides of the skirt. An emblem of a yellow moon could be seen in the center of the chest. With the striped white-and-gold collar, the ensemble reminded me of something a Disney princess would wear.

Ehm looked indignant. “It's what all Prospit dreamers wear. Like you.”

“What.” I looked down to find, lo and behold, I was wearing a very similar outfit. The costume was just about the same, except it lacked a skirt. The shirt ended right where the white lines would have marked a bit below the waistline. Below that were pants in very much the same style as Ehm’s skirt. The outfit was made complete with a pair of lilac-colored shoes that reminded me more of moccasins than anything else. It was like something Prince Charming would wear, if Prince Charming had a yellow fetish.

A laugh tumbled out of my mouth as I grabbed the shirt, looking over it. “Haha, what the heck? How did I miss this?”

“We act like sleeping people when we're dreaming,” Ehm told me. “You might act a little weird sometimes.”

I nodded. “I getcha. Although I haven't done anything weird I think.”

“You pushed me off my own bed.”

“...Hey, how about we go meet the Queen now?”

“Good idea. Follow me.”

Ehm turned back to the window, floating outside before lowering herself slowly, keeping a hand to her tower.

I followed her, but kept myself to my own air space. “Why we going down? Wouldn’t the queen be up there?” I pointed towards the larger yellow planet that I assumed was Prospit proper. “It would be faster to just follow the chain up there, right?”

“It would be,” Ehm acknowledged, “If heights didn’t fucking terrify me.” It was at that point I noticed she was outright refusing to look at anything except for the tower wall. 

“Makes sense,” I acknowledged before a thought came to me. “Wait, if you’re here...That means you’re asleep in real life, aren’t you?”

“Yup.”

“Oh.” I frowned, glancing back up at the sphere-shaped top of the tower that was Ehm’s room. “I hope I didn’t interrupt you from anything important.”

\------------

Jonesprite and Jade both stared at the unconscious Ehm. 

“Is, uh, she gonna be okay?” Jade asked.

Jonesprite shrugged.

“Cool...So, how’s Addison?”

He flipped her off.

“Cool, cool…” She shook her head. “I can’t believe I’m about to do this.”

Jonesprite raised an eyebrow. “About to do what?”

“Touch you,” she said with a look of carefully hidden rage.

“Touch me huh?” Jonesprite grinned so lecherously that no reasonable person would allow him to be around someone of the opposite sex. “Well, if you insis-”

Before he could finish saying whatever he was going to say, Jade stepped forward and punched him in the face. They were both engulfed in purple light.

When the light died down, Janesprite cupped a hand over their face. “Fuck.”

\------------

“Probably not,” Ehm said. “But I suddenly feel like I'm going to be pissed off when I wake up.”

“Hm…” As I continued to gently float downwards, I cast my gaze to the other towers around the moon. I could count about three others besides hers and my own. Each looked the same, simple towers with a ball-shaped room at the top. 

“Those are the other dreamers, right?” I asked. “That can’t be enough for all of our friends.”

“They’re not,” Ehm said. Finally, she managed to touch her feet to the ground. Once she was stable on the ground, she led me to a building not far from there. “They’re on Derse.”

“What’s Derse?” I watched Ehm push open the door. Inside was nothing but a small golden platform. On the platform was a symbol that looked something like three stars over a triangle. I recalled seeing a similar marking on the alchemiter.  _ The creator’s watermark maybe? _

“Derse is where the non-Prospit dreamers go,” Ehm explained. “The, uh...The bad guys are there.”

“So are our Derse friends the bad guys?”

“God I hope not,” she said. “Carter’s there. Him and the rest of us.” She shrugged, approaching the platform. 

“Alright, cool,” I breathed. “Our friends are roommates with the bad guys. Cool, awesome.” I pointed at the platform. “So...What is that?”

“It’s a transportalizer,” she explained.

…

I raised an eyebrow. “Seriously?”

Ehm shrugged. “That’s what the Prospitians call it. It-”

“Teleports things?” She nodded. “That’s what I thought. Just a hunch.”

Ehm stepped back, gesturing to it. “Want to give it a try? It’s a little...weird the first time.”

“Weird huh?” I walked towards the transportalizer (God, I can’t believe I said that). “Gee, I wouldn’t know anything about th-”

The moment I stepped onto the transportalizer, there was a blinding light. I felt like my head was spinning and my body was falling for the moment before the light died away. When it did, I learned that the latter was indeed the case. When I hit the ground, I wasn’t in the building Ehm led me to before.

Another flash and Ehm was standing behind me, offering a hand. “You okay?”

I nodded, taking her hand. My vision was swimming for a few moments before it stabilized. “I’m fine. Might just take a few tries to get used to transportalizing I guess.”  _ That word will be the death of me.  _ I looked around. “Wow. What is this place?”

The room I was in could hardly be called a room. That would imply it wasn't bigger than my entire house, which it was. With towering golden walls (which, as I learned, made up most of Prospitian architecture) and a rounded roof, I felt like I was standing in some kind of ancient Roman cathedral, filled with paintings and statues all around us.

The roof was painted like the Sistine Chapel. Artwork of all kinds littered the space, showing images of weird alien creatures with skin that was literally black and white. The white ones wore golden clothes while the black ones wore purple, and they were each trying to kill each other. More paintings depicted more scenes, each showing those alien creatures fighting or playing or whatever. Scattered across the pictures were images of frogs for who-knows-what-reason. 

Out of all the paintings, the one on the roof caught my eye. It didn't seem to depict any sort of history but instead showed a group of people dressed in yellow pajamas similar to the ones Ehm and I wore. There were five of them, and I could instantly recognize that each of the people were myself and several of my friends.

Ehm didn't seem as amazed by the sight as I was, but she was still respectful. “This is the Queen’s castle on Prospit. She rules here while the King’s on the Battlefield.” She led me out of the room as I continued to take in the view. 

“I guess she's a fan,” I said as I passed a painting that showed how I had fought an imp only minutes before.  _ I wonder how they got that… _

“They see us as heroes. We're supposed to lead them to victory against Derse or something.” It didn't take a great leap of logic to know that Ehm would rather have a tea party with the Dersites, but I decided not to mention that.

It was while I was busy following Ehm that I walked straight into someone else wandering the palace. “Oh, I am so sorr-” 

My words disappeared when I saw what the person looked like. It was a vaguely humanoid shaped being, but I definitely wouldn’t call it human. Its skin was chalk white, but I'm not too sure if it could really be called skin. It was too smooth and shiny, like a crab’s shell. Its limbs were jointed at the elbows and knees, making it look even more alien.

The creature gave me a polite smile, tipping its hat. “Sorry about that!” It said in a very sophisticated accent before running off.

I found myself staring at it as it left. “What was that thing?”

“It's a carapacian,” Ehm told me. “They live here on Prospit. Carter says black ones, like actually pitch black, live on Derse.”

“Huh.” I shrugged, walking onward with Ehm. “Weird. But I guess it makes sense. Is that queen you mentioned a cara-whatever too?”

“I'd certainly hope so,” said a voice across the room. “Or else I've been lied to this whole time.”

Sitting in a throne on the other side of the room was another carapacian. It had a feminine figure, being lean and curvy and tall. If she had been standing up I'd have to tilt my head just to get a glimpse of her chin. She wore elegant robes that mixed blue and purple with swirling white designs. A light coat of fur, short enough that it wasn't too noticeable, covered her body, although I noted that, unlike the imp I met, she still had hands and feet. Which was just as well, I doubt she could've worn the golden ring on her finger otherwise. A simple white crown adorned her head, reminding me of a chess set’s queen. Under that, she had hair similar to the imp I faced earlier: long swooping bangs but cut short in the back. 

The queen stood up and walked over to me and Ehm. “I see the Seer has come to join us, Ehmma. Excellent.” I noticed that when she spoke, razor sharp teeth could be seen inside her mouth. “This means we have a chance.”

“A chance of what?” I asked. As she came closer to me, I noticed that the ring she wore had ten clear orbs connected to it. Two of the orbs were glowing white, while the other eight were dull. 

She opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off as a third orb started to glow brightly. Suddenly, black tattoos formed on her fur, making swirled and intricate designs. She grew a pair of pointed ears and her hair was tinted orange and became slightly spiked. A large stone mask covered half of her face, which she prompted took off so she could speak to me.

The queen didn’t seem bothered by her abrupt transformation, and instead offered me a smile. “A chance to save my husband, of course. And it seems that chance just grew stronger.”

\------------

When Cloud first stepped foot on the Land of Temples and Wind Chimes, she thought she was dreaming.

It’s not hard to think that, of course, what with the pale blue grass that was spread evenly across the plains. The white-colored trees and their purple leaves also likely added to the fantastical impression, and who can ever forget the weird mini-T-rexes that were gathered around the area, watching Cloud’s house with awe-filled eyes from their whimsical little village.

Of course, the magical forcefield cutting her patch of land off from theirs probably helped too.

Cloud walked over to the forcefield, touching her hand against it. Ripples spread out from where she touched it like water. One of the creatures on the other side stared at her in amazement. It looked like a t-rex, but around her height and colored lavender. It tried headbutting the forcefield, but the only effect was ripples to spread across its surface. It opened its mouth, maybe to speak, but Cloud couldn't hear anything past the barrier.

“Hello?” Cloud said, tapping on the forcefield. “Can you hear me?”

A giggle rang out from behind Cloud, prompting her to turn around. “I wouldn't bet on it.” The speaker emerged from Cloud’s shadow, revealing herself to be none other than the girl’s sprite.

A teal-colored creature hovered in front of Cloud. It was rather short, a tad bit smaller than Cloud herself, but looked more or less like a girl. She had pointed ears that tilted outward as well as black swirls across her body. Her spiked orange hair was hidden behind an intricately-carved stone mask that obscured one eye. The other was a bright yellow with a red iris. 

“That forcefield doesn't let anything through,” the sprite said as she floated around Cloud. She struck a pose with her hands held behind her head and laying back, like someone lounging in a pool. “It's one of the only ones left in the world. Trying to get past it would be a disaster.”

“Oh…” Cloud stepped away from the barrier, noting how sad the t-rex looked upon seeing her leave. “So what is that thing, Midna? It looks like a dinosaur.”

Midna, also known to some (see: nobody) as Midnasprite, answered with a resounding shrug. At Cloud’s insistent stare, she sighed. “It’s a consort. They’re honestly pretty stupid, but they live on your land. Every player has them.”

Cloud glanced at the consort. It was scratching at the forcefield now, but in a way more akin to a kitten trying to get someone’s attention more than a monster trying to catch its prey. “Is there a way to get out of here so we can talk to them?”

“They don't have anything interesting to say,” Midna grumbled. “But if you **really** want to, I'm sure I could bend the rules a little…”

Cloud nodded along to her magical guide. “That sounds great- Wait, ‘bend the rules’? What do you-?”

Sadly, Cloud never got to ask her question, as Midna had already gone to work. With a snap of her fingers, Cloud’s body faded into a shadowy black before being disassembled into little pixels. The little pixels then shot into the closest light purple portal thing above her house —gates, they were called— before Midna herself flew through it.

Cloud’s body reassembled on the other side of the portal. Thankfully for her, she was now outside the barrier surrounding her house. Unfortunately though, it turns out traveling by shadow pixels was a bit tiring.

Cloud felt herself fall over the moment her feet hit the ground. That was definitely not as cool as her games made it out to be. “Midna?” She asked, weakly managing to get to her feet. “Where are you?”

Midna dropped down from the gate, floating in front of Cloud with a smirk. “I think the better question is, ‘Where are we?’, don't you think?”

She was right. No longer were they in the protective bubble surrounding her home. Instead, they were standing in a wide open plains of white grass, dotted here and there with their purple-leaved trees. To Cloud, it was like somewhere in a video game. Here she could live out her greatest fantasies, like being taller than the other characters.

“This is so awesome,” she said. “But where’s the village?” No matter where she looked, she couldn't see any sign of the village. 

“Oh, you won't find it here! The first gate leads to the designated area for a player of your level.” Midna pointed a finger at the gate above them. “Or, what level you should be. I may have taken you here a little early.”

An uneasy feeling filled Cloud, the same one that she felt whenever Mason joined the chat: a general sense of worry that she'll soon regret her decisions. “What do you mean?”

“Most players are supposed to build up their house to the gate and then jump through. As you do you'll fight monsters and gain levels so you'll be strong enough to survive your gates. Unfortunately-”

Midna was interrupted by a hissing sound. A creature fell from the gate, bearing the white-and-black markings of Midna and her stone mask. It towered over Cloud with a snake-like body, teeth has large as her head, and four clawed legs. A tone mask similar to Midna’s hung over its faces, and dark swirls like tattoos were emblazoned against its skin. Another dropped from the portal as well, and the two began circling Cloud and Midna, their long tongue hanging from their mouths as if they just couldn't wait to eat them.

“-You're severely underleveled,” Midna said, her smile still there as if this was completely okay.

“What do we do then?” Cloud kept her back close to Midna, careful not to touch her so they weren't prototyped together. As awesome as that would be, she'd rather fuse with Link instead. 

‘You want to be a hero, don't you? Then strife!” Midna summoned a circular blue object with a mouth piece and several holes dotted along the top. To anybody who wasn't knowledgeable in video game pop culture (see: nerds), the item would be seen as a reject from the woodwind family, but Cloud recognized it instantly.

It was her ocarina.

Midna passed it to her. At Cloud’s touch the instrument was added to her strife portfolio. The familiar feeling of her ocarina in her hands made Cloud a bit more confident. After all, she wasn't unarmed anymore.

Now the question was less “What do I do?” and more “How do you fight giant lizards with a musical instrument?”

The first snake creature lunged at Cloud, making her dive out of its path and onto the ground a bit away. Midna floated above her, safely out of danger for the time being.

Cloud decided, given the situation, that her best chance would be to run and wait for an opportunity to strike. She sprinted off, clutching tightly to her ocarina as Midna and the monsters followed. 

“What are these things?!” Cloud yelled as she narrowly avoided a snap of the creature’s jaws.

Midna yawned, firing a ball of black energy at one of the monsters. It flinched, but didn't seem to be too affected by it. “They're basilisks, higher-leveled underlings that do stuff like breathe fire and all. They shouldn't be too difficult for you.”

“They breathe what?!” She was suddenly aware of heat building up behind her and ducked to the side. A column of flame took the spot she'd just been running in, scorching the grass black. “How did they follow us?!”

“Through my powers obviously. Any prototypings you make before entering the game affect a portion of the monsters you face. These things must have inherited my shadow powers. Watch out by the way.”

Cloud squeaked as a basilisk lunged for her with its claws. She was starting to think maybe being a hero wasn't all it's cracked up to be. “How do we beat them?”

Midna shrugged. “You're the hero. Consider this a mini-boss. Figure it out.”

Cloud looked at the ocarina in her hand. She needed some way to use it, but how? She doubted a song could put the basilisks to sleep, and even if it could she didn't have time to play anything with two monsters chasing after her.

As she was running, she saw a tree up ahead of her. It was old and frail, like it was pretty brittle. Not only that, it was tall. Soon a plan began forming in her mind.

“Midna, can you get me in that tree?”

Midna grinned. “Sure, this should be fun to watch.” She lifted a hand and Cloud felt her body raise into the air. At first she thought Midna was just going to gently place her in the tree’s branches, like a sensible guide companion.

Instead she went flying.

Cloud wished she could have said something suitably heroic for the situation, but there aren't many heroic things you can day when you've been thrown at a tree several yards away. However, anybody who listened closely would have heard a terrified cry of, “What the hell?!”

Cloud ended up hitting the tree with a pained “Oomph!” and a sound that might have been cracking bones. She should have expected it though. It's not a Zelda game until the main character is thrown or rolled into something.

She managed to crawl into a standing position on the largest branch she could find. The tree shook with every movement, making her worry that the tree could collapse before her plan could be put into action.

_ That's not how a hero thinks! _ She told herself.  _ I gotta be a hero! Gotta get myself PUMPED! I am Link, I am Link, I am Link!” _

Her inner chant, while a bit odd, got the desired effect. Cloud felt invigorated, excited, courageous! It was as if the hero’s spirit coursing through her body! She was ready to fight!

Cloud watched the first basilisk approach the tree. It stared at her with its large grinning mouth as if to say,  _ Why are you hiding up there tasty meat sack? Come on down and become my meal! _

Cloud responded by raising her ocarina in the air just as she jumped off the tree and towards the basilisk. “ _ I am Link! _ ” She roared with divine fury.

She landed on the basilisk's back with a thud. She wrapped her arms around its gigantic throat right before her began bucking in an attempt to shake her off. It was like a medieval fantasy rodeo.

_ What would Link do? _ Cloud asked herself. She was safe for now, but what would happen if the monster eventually threw her off? Her grip wouldn't last very long. She needed a plan worthy of a hero like her. 

As the second basilisk finally caught up to the two, an idea came to Cloud, one that even Nick would be proud of!

The mere fact that it would make Nick proud brought a tear to her eye and the eye of the basilisk. Although the latter had no idea why it was crying, it was still smart enough to recognize the clear and unmistakable sensation of making a father figure say it's proud.

Cloud climbed into the basilisk’s neck, using its stone mask as handles to keep herself steady. With a grunt of effort, she swung her ocarina-holding hand in front of the monsters face. 

“Hey  _ ass-alisk _ ! Doesn't my hand look tasty?” She shook her hand for emphasis, tauntingly.

If the basilisk could speak, it would tell Cloud that words are extremely hurtful and shouldn't be thrown around so carelessly. To which Cloud would respond that the safe spaces are stupid and the basilisk was a dumb SJW.

Mason, who was back on earth and watching Grace toy with his house, felt an overwhelming sense of pride and fatherly affection take over out of nowhere. Then he dismissed it because he has no kids and even if he did, they haven't earned his respect as of yet. Especially not potentially weebish kids.

Cloud felt a sudden feeling of daughterly disappointment and inner despair, although she wasn't sure why. She wanted to cry, but instead used these sudden feelings to set into motion her plan.

Cloud could feel heat building up in the creature’s mouth. When she felt the sensation reach its climax, she pulled her hand away, wrapped her hands around its mask, and yanked it to face the second basilisk. Flames burst from its mouth, a passionate explosion of energy that coated its companion’s face in blistering pain.

The other basilisk made a sound that was akin to a screaming gecko. Apparently despite their ability to breathe fire, they weren't immune to it. The second basilisk dissolved into various shapes and colors of grist, which Midna swooped in to grab. Cloud could feel the grist enter her inventory, letting her know that sprites can in fact obtain grist for their players. She made a mental note to tell the others that later.

Just as Cloud was beginning to soak in her victory, the ground began shaking. Cloud could hear Midna yell, “Watch out!” just as she was thrown clear of the basilisk. The earth exploded outward as Midna used her telekinetic powers to yank the dying tree out of the ground. With a grunt of effort, she slammed it as hard as she could into the monster. It made a dying shriek before exploding into even more grist.

Cloud watched all of this from where she laid on the ground. Midna picked up all the grist before floating over to Cloud. “So, how'd I do?”

Cloud didn't respond, she only stared at where the basilisks had stood mere moments ago, mulling over the battle. 

“Uh, hello?” Midna floated in front of Cloud’s face. “You're supposed to say-” Midna spun so fast she became a blur, suddenly appearing as an exact replica of Cloud. “Oh Midna, you did wonderfully! Thank you for saving my life, if only I could somehow repay you!”

Cloud didn't respond for several seconds. When she finally spoke, she did so in a soft and awe-filled whisper. “I'm Link.”

Midna’s face contorted with a mixture of annoyance and confusion. It was a face she would make many times in the future. “I'm sorry?”

Cloud stood up, her voice a little louder. “I'm Link.”

“I don't get it.”

Cloud gave a wide smile. “I’m Link! I’m actually,  _ actually _ Link!” She gasped, realization flashing in her eyes. “I'm the hero of time.”

“Actually you're the Maid of Breath-”

“I am Link! I am Link! I am Link!”

As Cloud continued her chant, Midna slapped her hand against her own face. “This is gonna be a long day.”

“I am Link! I am Link! I am-”

\------------

**exhaustedReputation [ER]** ** opened memo on board What the fuck is going on here.**

**livelyConfectioner [LC]** ** responded to memo.**

**ER: What took you so long, I was messaging you for practically an hour.**

**LC: calm down cowboy**

**LC: I was BUSY**

**ER: Doing what? All you ever do is play dating sims.**

**LC: ya ok i was busy saving clouds LIFE**

**ER: Eh.**

**LC: ==,)**

**ER: I actually called you here cause I discovered something. Remember those files you sent me?**

**LC: Uh yeah**

**ER: I traced them to the person who's apparently supposed to be your server player. I talked to him a bit actually.**

**LC: =0 who is this mysterious mystery man**

**ER: Here I'll invite him.**

**lambentChaotic [LC]** ** responded to memo.**

**LC: Oh fuck no**

**LC: Boi you're gonna have to change.**

**LC: No you**

**LC: No you**

**LC: Nick what's going on this imposters making me mad**

**ER: Candy, be nice.**

**LC: =(**

**ER: This is Conlan, say hi to him.**

**LC: Fuck off**

**LC: Yo**

**ER: I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the game paired you two together. According to Cody, all this stuff is likely predestined, which means that you two are probably a package deal.**

**ER: But it gets weirder because the choice in people isn’t completely random.**

**LC: ? ?? ?**

**ER: As it turns out, Conlan is actually friends with a few members of our group. Grace and Mason specifically.**

**LC: Oh wow**

**LC: Do they know him irl**

**LC: I’m from Canada**

**LC: C-Canada senpai**

**ER** **banned ** **LC** **from responding to memo.**

**ER** **unbanned ** **LC** **from responding to memo.**

**ER: Sorry about that, she’s a weeb.**

**LC: k-k-kys**

**LC: Oh.**

**ER: Don’t worry, it’s not contagious.**

**LC: Thank god.**

**ER: But we think you’re meant to play this game with us. It’s way too suspicious that a friend of Grace and Mason is just going to happen to be the mysterious server player of Candy.**

**ER: So, are you in?**

**LC: I mean, I guess?**

**LC: I don't really have a choice, do I?**

**ER: Well, technically you do, but I think it's smarter if you joined us. Playing this game seems to be the only way of surviving the meteors that are striking Earth.**

**LC: Oh.**

**ER: Yeah. Plus, it seems we don't have a choice either. Without you, Candy can't get in the game.**

**LC: =(**

**ER: And without Carter, another friends of ours, you can't get in the game.**

**ER: Sorry, I don't want to pressure you or anything. I just think it's in the best interests of all of us if you joined, but if we need to I'm sure we can find a workaround.**

**LC: Nah I get it. I'm alright with playing as long as you guys are.**

**ER: I already cleared it with Mason actually. He’s cool with it, as long as you know your place.**

**LC: What’s my place?**

**ER: Below the Overlord.**

**LC: Aight. So, how do I start?**

**ER: First, do you already have a server and client installed in your computer?**

**LC: I have the disks, but I haven’t gotten around to using them yet**

**ER: Okay, you do that. I’ll help you get Candy into the game when you’re done. For now, I have important business to attend to. See you two later.**

**ER** **banned ** **LC** **from responded to memo.**

**ER** **banned ** **LC** **from responding to memo.**

**zombiesDirected [ZD]** ** responded to memo.**

**ZD: Yo**

**ER: Hey. Conlan agreed, I’m sending him an invite to the group chat. He’ll be a member of CU soon.**

**ZD: Awesome**

**ZD: So what’s up?**

**ER: Someone came into the chat uninvited a few hours ago. I think someone’s messing with us, and I want to know who it is.**

**ZD: I thought that was you**

**ER: …**

**ER: Not every mysterious interloping antagonist is me, you know.**

**ER: Or maybe it is?**

**ER: DUN DUN**

**ZD: shoots**

**ER: Pls**

**ZD: No mercy for those that disrespect the overlord.**

**ZD: Anyways, who is it?**

**ER: Good question, I’m trying to figure that out myself.**

**ER: Their accounts invisible for some reason. Like, I can’t find them like I can anybody else. They may be using a modded Pesterchum.**

**ZD: really**

**ER: Yeah**

**ZD: And you’re positive this isn’t another roleplay villain?**

**ER: Completely. I don’t even have enough time for a second persona, Cody’s keeping me occupied as his builder.**

**ER: Speaking of, he’s knocked out.**

**ZD: Lame**

**ER: Actually he put up a good fight. Killed two enemy mobs before he knocked himself unconscious.**

**ZD: Ha**

**ZD: So there are mobs in this game?**

**ER: Yeah. I’m watching his house now, and they’re everywhere. They seem to have some kind of connection to sprites, seeing as they have the appearance of powers of Rarilight and Jonesprite. And whatever Cloud prototyped.**

**ZD: Probably weeb stuff**

**ER: Definitely. But yeah, it would be smart to choose a sprite that would be easy to kill later on.**

**ZD: I already prototyped mine actually.**

**ER: What is it?**

**ZD: A wooden crocodile.**

**ER: ...I'm sorry?**

**ZD: Lmao I have some wooden crocodiles**

**ZD: I collect a few, so I just threw one in**

**ER: That actually sounds like it could work.**

**ZD: Noice**

**ZD: I’ll probably add something else to it later but for now I’m leaving it alone**

**ZD: It’s just wandering around my house**

**ZD: What are you gonna use**

**ER: I’m not sure yet. Seeing as these will be our guides as well, I might get something that should be able to help me through the game rather easily.**

**ER: I’m considering Cortana.**

**ZD: Wtf**

**ZD: “it would be smart to choose a sprite that would be easy to kill later on”**

**ZD: Proceeds to prototype a supercomputer**

**ER: She’s also a hologram, any enemies with her powers will probably be unable to hurt us.**

**ER: Plus, a constant wifi connection.**

**ZD: Eh, fair point. It could be worse I guess**

**ZD: You could have prototyped a pony**

**ER: True.**

**ZD: Anyway, I gotta go. Grace just threw my toilet out a window.**

**ER: How the fuck.**

**ZD: I have no idea.**

**ER: How the holy hell did she manage that?**

**ZD: No clue btfiuhghgd**

**ER: You okay?**

**ZD: Got to go, something just crushed through a wall**

**ZD: Gotta go chastise my wife**

**ZD: See ya later**

**ER: Ah. Good luck. Send Grace my regards.**

**zombiesDirected [ZD]** ** ceased responding to memo.**

**\------------**

**zombiesDirected [ZD]** ** began pestering ** **cosmicReverie [CR].**

**ZD: You can see me right**

**ZD: Tell me what's wrong with this picture**

**CR: um**

**CR: youre sitting in a bathtub for one thing**

**CR: and also the bathtub is in your living room**

**ZD: Hmm I wonder why that is**

**CR: listen this is harder than it looks**

**CR: it doesnt help that someones being a dick with spotify**

**ZD: Sound of Madness is amazing, Grace**

**ZD: Accept it**

**CR: no it fucking isnt**

**CR: STOP PLAYING IT**

**ZD: lmao**

**CR: two can play at this game**

**ZD: What do you mean**

**ZD: FUCK OFF GRACE**

**CR: lmao**

**CR: do you like it**

**ZD: This is the fucking Holes theme song**

**ZD: I trusted you**

**CR: get rekt**

**CR: you deserve it for dissing holes**

**ZD: pls**

**ZD: Can you at least stop throwing things through walls**

**ZD: Tell me my bathroom isn’t flooded at least**

**CR: id rather talk about something else**

**ZD: wtf**

**CR: like what about that person who showed up in the group earlier**

**CR: archibaldsgrasp or whatever**

**ZD: Nick says it’s not him**

**CR: do you believe him**

**ZD: Shrugs**

**ZD: His story checks out, he’s had a screenshare up for his computer this whole time**

**ZD: But that doesn’t mean it’s not someone else**

**ZD: I don’t know why a stranger would mess with us**

**CR: its because were just that awesome**

**ZD: True**

**ZD: Still if this is an actual thing we’re doing, I’d rather we not have some supervillain bs causing trouble**

**CR: why dont you just talk to them**

**CR: scope them out or ask people if theyve been pestered by similar people**

**ZD: Maybe**

**ZD: I’m not sure if I wanna make a big thing of this but I might ask Cody when he wakes up**

**CR: is he still asleep?**

**ZD: Apparently**

**CR: damn**

**ZD: This is why I always beat him in brawlhalla**

**ZD: Speaking of which, why don’t we play in a bit**

**ZD: 1v1**

**CR: how about no**

**ZD: Oh**

**CR: maybe after we both get in the game alright?**

**ZD: Eh alright**

**ZD: Guess I should hurry and join then**

**ZD: See ya later Grace**

**CR: see you later**

**ZD: <3**

**CR: <3**

**zombiesDirected [ZD] ** **ceased pestering ** **cosmicReverie [CR]** **.**

There is a fact among the group that was now known as Concord Hall, one that is both widely disputed yet also wholly accepted. Facts like this are common among these friends for a variety of reasons, but in this instance, it’s easy to see why. 

The fact is this: Mason, (one of) the leader(s) and Overlord of the group, is the absolute best at video games.

Now, obviously this comes with some resistance. Practically every one of his friends have challenged him at one game or another with the intent of pulling his title out from under him. Sometimes they win, but never for long. Be it luck, or fate, or some divine force guiding his hands, he always seems to have a way of beating his closest friends into the dirt. He loves nothing more than inheriting some hard-won experience points, and watching them rage over their losses can be just as fun.

So, maybe it was with some cockiness that Mason began his journey into the medium. He’d originally wanted to go first, but he decided to let Cody volunteer. After all, he needed a head start if he hoped to beat Mason at what seemed to be the ultimate game.

Entering the medium was going to take time, however. He’d done everything right so far. Prototyped the kernelsprite, chose his strife specibus and sylladex; there was only one thing that was missing: His cruxite artifact.

He wasted no time in placing the carved cruxite totem onto the alchemiter’s pedestal. He watched the device run its scanner over the deep red totem’s curves and edges, finding himself wondering what his unique artifact would be. Cody had a book he couldn’t open, while Ehm had knitting supplies she had to use. Seeing as there were no real patterns here, he was starting to suspect that the game was just fucking with them.

Within moments, the scanning was done. There was a flash of blinding light, and when Mason could see again he found himself face to face with his artifact.

Well, maybe ‘face’ is the wrong word.

Sitting on the alchemiter was a simple pedestal, and carved into the base of the pedestal was a symbol composed of several curved lines that looked a little like an angry face. In a way, it looked a little like the artifact was scowling at him. Probably his imagination, but still. That was a little creepy.

A moment passed before the pedestal started to change. Out of nowhere, a sword appeared embedded inside it. Like the pedestal, it looked similar to the cruxite it terms of color and texture, yet that didn't make it look any less impressive. After all, it was a fucking sword in the stone, King Arthur style. That's pretty damn impressive on its own.

It didn’t take a genius to figure out what to do with the sword. Without hesitation, Mason stepped forward, onto the alchemiter. He reached for the blade’s hilt, trusting that when he pulled it out he’d be immediately sent to what had to be the most badass planet of them all.

Then he heard what sounded like Satan hissing through a ceiling fan into his ear, promptly followed by the feeling of being slammed into by a 143.2 pound Nile crocodilesprite made out of oak wood.

Can you believe it? 143.2 pounds. Not an ounce more or less. And made of oak wood too! Did you know that oak wood is heavier than pine? And that it being made of oak rather than the aforementioned pine actually makes a significant change in the weight? Not to mention it’s a Nile crocodile rather than, say, an American alligator. All of this put together makes a rather large distinction in how it felt when Mason’s sprite slammed into him.

But Mason was too busy to acknowledge any of this, seeing as he was too busy being fucking rekt by an asshole of a crocodile. He was very aware of that fact, however, as he slammed into a wall with the force of X kilofucks. What’s a kilofuck you may ask? A whole goddamn lot when you’ve just been tossed aside from a magical glowing reptile.

Mason groaned as he forced himself back into a standing position. That hurt like hell, but it wasn’t going to stop him. He could tell without even looking that he was going to have bruises from that hit, but he wasn’t too concerned with that. A bright orange light was filtering in through his windows, and the temperature was starting to skyrocket. It was no longer the simple smoldering Houston heat, but now a much more painful, shimmering burn.

It was still humid as fuck though, so it’s not like he wasn’t used to this.

Mason turned his eyes to the sprite. It was floating around the base of the sword, watching him carefully. In a way, it reminded him of a dragon guarding a precious treasure. It didn’t want him to get to the sword, his only means of survival before the meteor killed him.

Fortunately, Mason made a decent knight in shining armor.

Mason held out his hand, summoning his weapon from his strife specibus. Within a moment, he was holding a tomahawk. It wasn’t just any tomahawk, mind you. Naturally, it was the coolest one he could find. It had a simple wooden handle, painted with symbols of crosses and pawprints and wild animals. Near the top of it was a blade that looked to be made of some kind of glass, was a small rope covered in beads tied around its base. All in all, it was a fairly badass-looking weapon, even if he did get it for five bucks from a pawn shop.

Later Cody, who would later get a very up close glimpse of the blade, had to admit it was quite impressive. Even if it was questionable whether it belonged in the bladekind category at all.

Regardless, Mason didn’t skip a beat. The best course of action, most of the time, was the most direct one. He charged forward, spinning the axe in his hand as he brought the dull end down on the sprite’s head…

Which promptly failed, as the sprite ducked out of the way. Mason had to catch himself before he fell over. He found his balance right as the crocodile slammed into him again, throwing him against the wall.

“Ugh…” Mason forced himself to his feet. The crocodile (now known to Mason as “that glowing fucker”) was back at guarding the sword, watching him with its weird wooden eyes. With its mouth...Was that a smile? That glowing fucker was taunting him!

He charged for the crocodile, ready to swing in whichever direction the beast decided to dodge. Unfortunately for him, it didn't. Instead, it darted forward, headbutting Mason in the gut with all its might. Once more, he went tumbling back. And once more he stood back up.

Again and again he threw himself at the crocodile. He tried analyzing its movements, picking up on its plans in some way shape or form, but each time he got the same result: He missed, he was slammed into, and he stood up with more bruises forming than he had a minute ago. At this rate, he was beginning to lose count of how many times he’d actually been hit. To make matters worse, there was a faint purple glow that was beginning to cover his bedroom, and it seemed to grow stronger with each passing moment. Mason wasn’t sure what was causing it exactly, but he was pretty sure it wasn’t something he’d like.

Put all this together, and you had a pretty unhappy Mason.

_ Okay, hitting it won’t work, and I can’t predict its movements...It’s predicting anything I think of. What now…? _

He watched the crocodile slink around the sword, eyeing him mischievously. He wasn’t sure how it could eye someone mischievously, cause it’s a fucking crocodile, but he knew that it was trying its best to taunt him.

Planning didn’t work. Attacking it didn’t work. Thinking about what he’d do didn’t work. So...What if he didn’t think? Didn’t give it time to figure out what he was going to do?

Well, that generally worked for Cody. Might as well try it. 

Mason ran forward once more, and he could see the crocodile’s body tense up. It was ready for him to strike, so he wasn’t going to. Instead, he ducked to the side, swinging his axe in the croc’s direction. It jumped back, startled for but a moment before it dashed for Mason again. 

Mason wasn’t having it though. He got by now that a face-to-face fight would be a disaster, so instead he focused on his goal. He dived out of the sprite’s way, towards the sword’s pedestal. The croc didn’t notice its mistake in time, however, and ended up slamming against the wall of Mason’s bedroom.

“Fuck yeah,” he said with a grin as he grabbed the sword’s hilt. The sprite was already recovering, having turned around and glaring at him with its beady little eyes. With a hiss, it lunged forward. Mason jerked the sword out of the stone, swinging it in the direction of his enemy. 

The moment the blade’s tip left the pedestal, Mason’s room was coated in a bright light. All noise ceased as the temperature plummeted back to mildly boiling. After a few moments, his sight returned to him and he could see that...Very little changed actually.

The orange light no longer filtered in through his window, but the purple glow from earlier was brighter than ever, covering everything in a blinding violet color. The temperature was still hot as fuck, but thankfully nowhere near as bad as the meteor would have been. The crocodile was still in his room, floating inches away from the tip of the cruxite sword.

The sword had changed too, it seemed. It was still in his hand, pointed directly at the crocodile in a vaguely threatening manner, but it wasn’t made out of cruxite anymore. Now it was a real sword, all pinocchio’d out and shit. Fucker wanted to be a real sword so hard, it got its wish. Now it looked like it was actually capable of cutting things. Probably in a super deadly manner too. Which was probably for the better, seeing as Mason wasn’t entirely sure his sprite wasn’t still out to kill him yet.

The crocodile stared at Mason. It no longer seemed to be hostile. Rather, it looked satisfied. Maybe it scarfed down a part of the wall when Mason drew the sword and wasn’t up for a Mexican dessert after that?

Mason lowered the sword and gave a sigh of relief. As he did, the purple glow all around his room began to die down. Pain lashed across his skin, like his wounds from earlier were finally making themselves known. He stumbled over, off the alchemiter, and onto his bed. He could feel his eyelids grow heavy and the need for sleep overtake him. But not before that glowing fucker began to hover next to him, opening its mouth so that it could speak.

“Welcome Heir of Rage,” it said in a deep and growl-like tone, “To the Land of Timber and Enigmas.”

And with that, Mason passed the fuck out.

\------------

“I am Link! I am Link! I am Link!”

“Will you  _ stop _ saying that?”

It had taken several minutes for Cloud and Midna to get back to the former’s house. As it turned out, the portal that Midna had taken them through was crawling with even more monsters, and neither of them (specifically the one who could say more than three words) were willing to test their luck against the creatures, so they resigned themselves to another way.

Thankfully, Sburb apparently was prepared for players that wanted to find their way back home quickly. After a few minutes of walking, the two found what Midna called a return node, a small spirographic object that, once touched, would return the player to the house on that world.

Unfortunately, the short journey home didn't do much to curb Cloud’s enthusiasm, much to Midna’s dismay.

“I am-”

Midna shot over to Cloud, leaning over her with a snarl on her lips. “If you say Link one more time, I will shove that ocarina so far down your throat that you’ll cough up music noses.”

Cloud slowly nodded her head, putting her ocarina back into her strife specibus for good measure. “Sorry. I'm just so excited! Did you see me back there? I was awesome! Those basilisks didn't stand a chance against me! I am Li-”

Midna stared at her expectantly.

“...L-Like some kind of hero! It's  _ so _ cool!”

Midna chuckled, her arms crossed over her chest. “Yeah well I suppose you were alright. Keep that up and the Black King may actually have a challenge on his hands.”

“The Black King?” Cloud frowned, her excitement fading away. “Who’s that?”

“He's the leader of Derse,” Midna told her, laying back as if she didn't have a care in the world. “The Dersites are your enemy here in the Medium. They'll do anything to stop you and your friends from winning the game.” 

That made sense. Most video games had a bad guy, so it was logical to assume that Cloud and her team had someone trying to stop them from achieving their goals. “What's he look like? I bet I could take him!”

Midna smirked, then spun around. Her body became a blur before she took the form of what Cloud guessed was the Black King. His name was pretty literal. He was a heavy-set guy somewhat taller than Cloud. A set of pure black robes hung over his figure, as well as a cape that touched the ground. He wore a simple black crown that looked like the tip of a chess board’s king. His limbs were joined at the elbows and knees, and his skin was smooth and shell-like.

Naturally, Cloud focused on none of this.

“He's named after the color of his skin?” She asked. “That's kinda racist.”

Midna changed back to her original form and rolled her eyes. “You act like all humans don't have the same skin tone.”

Cloud slapped her forehead lightly. “Oh yeah you're from a Zelda game. Never mind.” 

“Anyways, that's not even his final form,” Midna continued as if she hadn't heard the jab. “The White and Black Kings have scepters that give them all the powers of the things the players prototype. These scepters make them giant-sized, not to mention making them a lot harder to kill.”

“Oh…So, there's a White King too? Is he on our side?”

Midna transformed again, becoming an exact replica of the Black King, but this time with all the black replaced with white. “Yup. He leads the Kingdom of Prospit’s army against Derse.” She turned back to herself. “He’s a nice guy I suppose. The White Queen does all the work ruling though. He's just the commander of their armies.”

_ Kings, Queens. It all sounds like… _ “Is this whole thing a game a chess?” She asked, looking more confused than enlightened. 

“Essentially. The Dersites and Prospitians make up their pawns and knights and all that, but the Queens are the dangerous ones.”

Cloud was suddenly glad that knowing how to play chess wasn’t a completely worthless skill. Now it was only semi-worthless, like knowing how to tie knots and owning a degree in creative writing. 

“So what do Queens do?” Cloud asked. “They have to be stronger than the King, right?”

Midna waved her hand in an ‘iffy’ motion. “Somewhat. They wear special rings that give them the powers of whatever you prototype. Most of the time the Queens stay on Prospit and Derse and deal with ruling the kingdoms.”

Cloud frowned. “So...The White Queen can’t help us?”

“Nope. She prefers to give advice and tell other people what to do. It would take a lot to convince her to help directly.”

\------------

“Okay, so I get that you want us to kill this Black King guy, that makes sense I think. What I don’t get is how we’re supposed to actually do that.”

The White Queen took a sip of her cup of tea. There was a hint of a smile on her face as she did so, giving me the feeling that she wasn’t surprised by my confusion. Glad to know I wasn’t the only one acknowledging how weird things were here.

The three of us—that is to say, myself, the Queen, and Ehm—were sitting at a small circular table on the balcony of the Queen’s castle. Like everything else, from the walls to the cups to the entire freaking planet, the table was colored gold. In fact, it’s safe to assume that literally all of Prospit is gold-colored in some way, shape, or form. 

“It’s understandable that you’d be surprised by my offer. We Prospitians do not consider murder lightly.” She put her cup on the table as yet another orb lit up on her ring. There was a ripple across her fur as the skin under it became rough and leathery. “In fact, I’d say the only reason we’d have to kill an enemy was if they provided us no other option.”

I nodded, taking my own cup and sipping from it. My face contorted with disgust.  _ Note to self: Show Prospit the wonders of old fashioned southern sweet tea. This stuff is disgusting.  _ “So I guess the Black King won’t surrender if we asked nicely?”

“I already asked that,” Ehm said as she drank from her own cup. Somehow, the water that was posing as tea wasn’t bothering her. I blame it on her Californian upbringing. Californians are scary, man. 

The Queen nodded. “Ehm has known of your quest for a long time. She’s been able to come to terms with what’s required of you, although her own role in it was not known until now.”

“I’m supposed to find frogs or something,” Ehm said, looking to the Queen for affirmation. “Jonesprite said I they were hidden on my land or something?”

“Correct,” the Queen said with a smile. “As the hero of Space, you are vital to our mission. You must find the frogs scattered across the medium and breed them. Only then can you achieve the ultimate reward.”

Ehm’s eyes widened to the point where I thought they’d pop out of her skull. She lowered her head, as if to say a prayer, and began to mutter, “My time has come…”

This elicited a chuckle from the Queen. “Indeed it has. And as long as you follow Skaia’s guiding light, you will do just fine.”

“Uh, Skaia?” My words made both their heads turn to me. That’s always nice. I like being paid attention to when it’s inconvenient for everyone but me. “Not to, uh, interrupt, but what is Skaia exactly? I heard that word a few times in your speech about kings and queens and all, but I don’t really get it. Is that your god or something?”

The Queen flashed me a smile, but it was less friendly and went more along the lines of ‘Oh you poor ignorant fool’. Nick flashes me that smile at least once a week, and Mason does bi-weekly. She turned to Ehm and said, “Would you be a dear and check on the other dreamers? If Cody has awakened, that means the others are nearing their time as well.”

Ehm nodded before standing up from the table. She gave the Queen a bow before taking her cup and walking away. I made sure to pray to whatever this Skaia thing was that the tea would fall off a railing or something equally horrible. 

When she was gone, the Queen laid her arms on the table, crossing one over the other and leaning forward slightly. She looked a little casual that way, less regal and more common. More friendly. Of course, she was still part-pony/Jones/whatever-the-other-two-things-were, but in a way that helped the picture. If she took off the ring, I’m sure she would’ve looked intimidating no matter what she did. Her Majesty was too majestic to be seen as anything else. 

“Cody,” she said in the tone you reserve for telling people juicy and secretive gossip, “What do you see when you look up?”

_ Well that’s ominous. _ I glanced up, back to the large blue-and-white celestial body I’d seen before. It was harder to see the clouds from here, and thus nearly impossible to make out the images I’d seen inside them. It was bright enough to light up the entirety of Prospit and its moon, but oddly it wasn’t so bright that it was blinding despite the short distance between it and here. 

I had to force myself to stop searching its distant clouds and ripped my vision back to the Queen. “That’s the sun...thing. What’s so special about it?”

“That would be Skaia,” the Queen said. Her smile became a smirk as she saw comprehension dawning on my face. “It’s a crucible of unlimited creative potential. Potential that you and your friends must capture and unleash if you hope to survive the trials ahead.”

She pointed up at Skaia, where I could see past some of its thinner clouds and the blue atmosphere. Beyond it, I could see what seemed to be blurred black and white. I couldn’t make out what the colors were supposed to be beyond that. Heck, I didn’t even know why I could make those colors out in the first place! My eyesight is typically on par with an elderly bat’s, and that’s being generous.

To the bat.

“Can you see it?” She asked me. “The black and white checkered board of that Battlefield that lies beneath Skaia?” 

I nodded. “Yeah...How can I see it? What even is it?”

She placed her hand down on the table just as another carapacian walked onto the balcony. It held in its hands two plates, each of which held on it a small but delicious looking cake. It set them down on the table before giving the two of us a quick bow and scampering away. 

The Queen picked up her plate and forked her cake (assuming forking is a thing you can even do). She stabbed off a piece and, somehow as elegantly as anything else she did, tossed it into her mouth in one fell swoop. “The Battlefield is where the war between Prospit and Derse has been waged for years. It began as a simple stalemate between the two Kings, but as time went on the Battlefield evolved and their armies grew strong. And now it changes, constantly shifting as each new hero joins the fray.” She pointed her fork at me. “That would be you. As for how you can see it...I’d assume that has something to do with your own abilities that you’ve yet to acknowledge.”

I poked at the cake with my fork. It seemed edible? I wasn’t sure what carapacians eat. If it was anything like their tea, I was planning to toss it the moment she wasn’t looking. “So that’s the final level. We have to level up, and when we’re powerful enough we have to travel to the Battlefield to kill the Black King?”

She nodded again. “That is the general idea. There are a few more specifics that we’ve yet to discuss, but I feel as if you could use the time to process this information.” She stood up, taking her plate and giving me a final smile as she walked back inside the castle. “Enjoy the cake, Seer. You have much work to come.”

And then she left, leaving me alone with my thoughts, speculations, and cake. 

_ I can at least get rid of one of those things now_, I thought as I bit into a piece of cake. It was surprisingly good, and strawberry. The greatest of all cake flavors. 

Maybe this hero thing wouldn’t be too hard after all.


End file.
